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May 2008

Is this “The One?”

Most people have an idea of what constitutes a desirable mate. We usually get fixated on superficial aspects like appearance, income, or lifestyle and don’t give enough thought to the quality of that relationship.

It’s emotional intimacy, being able to share your truest, deepest, most vulnerable self with your significant other, which makes us feel loved. Skip judgments based on superficial aspects and focus on how you connect emotionally; how comfortable you are being yourself when you’re around them, and how often you laugh and have fun together.

Really, that’s all there is to it. If you can read the paragraph above and know in your head that your partner meets all of those needs and makes you feel great about yourself, then he or she has all the qualities to become your ideal partner. The rest is up to the two of you.

A relationship is like any long-term investment: it requires a great deal of time, effort and devotion. Couples come and go, but real relationships are those that can survive whatever life throws at them. They go through it together and come out closer than before.

One final thing you should ask yourself before you decide whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with : Do you both share the same vision of the future?

Do you want the same things or are you at least committed to helping the other fulfill his or her dreams as well as your own? Do you both see yourselves together for many years to come? Can you imagine investing in a house, raising a family and eventually growing old together?

Before you choose to commit to someone, make sure you have no desperate need for attachment and that you are in a good place with your self-esteem. Be ready to walk away if things don’t turn out as planned. Don’t try to force a relationship to work or invest time trying to change someone. The whole purpose is to avoid ending up in divorce court. Why would you want to close a deal that has the wrong foundation or missing parts?

If you have seven or eight of the signs below in your relationship, this could be it!

Nine signs for Recognizing Mr. or Mrs. Right!

·         You listen to each other

·         You have a strong chemistry connection

·         He or she is a cheerleader for your hopes and dreams

·         You tell them what you want in a relationship and he or she steps up to the plate

·         Your partner is genuine, trustworthily, and understanding

·         You can both compromise and work together to resolve disputes

·         You have a similar approach to life (values, morals, goals)

·         Your partner shows you kindness, consideration, and respect

·         You are focused on each other, not looking around for something better

A relationship is a two way street. Don’t forget to be the same way back.