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March 2009

Keeping the conversation flowing

Think of every conversation with someone you find attractive as an audition.  Ask yourself if you'd like to hear what you said coming from a perfect stranger.  Also, when it comes to "marketing" yourself, it is important to consider whether or not the person you're talking to is making a good impression on you.

Mention your interests, hobbies, and talk about what you're passionate about.  If there is a type of music you love, talk about that.  If you love to travel, talk about places you have been.  If you have hobbies, talk about those.  You'll want to talk less about what you have and who you know - and more about what makes you tick.  That will keep the conversation flowing and will help the person get to know you.  Stay away from talking about the job you have or the car you drive, and never talk about how much money you have. 


Conversation Starters

Paying a compliment can be a great way to start a conversation, but make sure it is genuine.  What made you notice him/her?  Was it their eyes?  Or their smile?  Just tell the truth. 

Another great way to start a conversation is to say something about yourself, then ask a question.  For example, "I am new at this gym.  Are there any good classes here? ".


The best way to approach someone:

With confidence!  Begin with a smile and eye contact.  Leave out the cheesy lines and start with something simple such as "Hi, how are you doing tonight?".  Introduce yourself and let the conversation flow from there.  And remember ladies, it's ok for you to approach a man first too!


Ok, you have a date. Now what?

We surveyed singles and discovered that fourteen percent said they would like to read a book about how to market themselves in order to find success in dating.  Another seventeen percent said that they would like to read a book to learn the best things to say when you're approaching someone...  So we wrote one.  Here are some tips to get you started.

1. Be genuine.  Everyone wants to meet someone who is his/her authentic self.  We've all met those people who come off as actors.  You spend so much time wondering if the person is telling the truth that you never get the chance to know the real person.  Clearly, trying to impress doesn't work.  Instead, be your already impressive self and smile.   A smile goes a long way.

2.  Talk to people, not at them.  Sometimes, our nerves get the best of us and we end up talking too much about ourselves.  When you are making conversation with someone new make sure to pause and give him/her the opportunity to respond to what you've said.  You don't want to end up giving a speech.  This will help the person you are talking to see what a truly great conversationalist you are.  In my experience with IJL clients, one of the most common things I hear is "He/she didn't ask anything about me"/  Be sure to ask questions and show interest in what the other person has to say! 


Best "get to know you" dates

One of the best ways to get to know someone is to learn something together.  Here are some ideas:

  • Take a dance class
  • Take a cooking lesson

  • learn a language together

  • take a photography class

  • Take an art class

  • Take an "improv" comedy class

  • Learn to play golf