I once knew a guy named David who decided that his extremely extroverted blind date (who he dubbed “Loud Sally”) was annoying and not someone he ever wanted to spend time with again. This guy claimed that he knew within a few minutes that she talked too much and was ‘too enthusiastic’ for his taste. In fact, all of her enthusiasm gave him a headache. So, David managed to end his coffee date with L.S after just twenty minutes, claiming he had a migraine (he just failed to mention it was induced by her), and would need to take a rain check. He never did re-schedule the date with “Loud Sally”, but he did end up marrying her a couple of years later.
When David told me this story, of course I needed him to fill in a few blanks. He exclaimed, “I ran into her a year after our first meeting at a mutual friend’s party and we ended up sitting next to each other at dinner. We talked all night!” David admitted that what he initially found off-putting (her strong personality), he now found refreshing. She had more sass than the women he was used to and she was a lot of fun. His perspective changed once he met her under different
circumstances and had enough time to get to know her without the pressure that he needed to figure it (read: their connection) out immediately.
I spoke to his wife (“Loud Sally”) about the situation and she laughed about the first time she met David, saying that she does talk a little faster and louder when she’s nervous, and first dates often felt very unnatural for her. She was more comfortable at the dinner party when she met David the second time than she had been during the initial set-up.
Unless you’re a seasoned blind dater, first dates with someone you don’t know can take patience and an understanding that both parties may need a little time to warm up. Most people require at least a few minutes to settle into the date and get comfortable; so if you’ve written off a woman before you’ve spent any real time with her, you may be missing out.
I believe that to be successful in dating, you have to be present, be open to taking risks and to having fun. You know how you interact with people while on vacation? Try to capture that energy and channel it into your next date. Don’t be too tied to the outcome and enjoy the exchange while it lasts, because really – what do you have to lose? Perhaps it’s an hour of your life that you can never get back…but you may just need that hour to really assess if you have chemistry with the woman across from you.
- Andrea Syrtash, Host of "On Dating"
