When you feel like a catch and you don’t want to “settle”, it’s easy to quickly dismiss each new date. Five minutes in, the voice in your head is screaming out, “Next!” and you emotionally disengage for the rest of the night. I get it. But get this: these quick dismissals are unfair to both your date and to your own long-term relationship prospects.
Which means something needs to change. I hear from many single women that they are frustrated with MEN. Why do they dress the way they do? Why don’t they reach for the check? Why do they talk about themselves so much? And why don’t these slovenly, cheap, narcissistic men follow up to say they want to see you again? Believe me, I’m no defender of men. All I can do is point out the obvious: they don’t change. You can’t change them, I can’t change them. The only person who can change is YOU. So if waiting for magical chemistry and dismissing everyone else in 5 minutes has left you unlucky in love, the clear course of action would be to stop looking for magical chemistry. This is a difficult choice to make – and not a wholly natural one. But chemistry doesn’t predict compatibility. If it did, you’d have married any of the guys you’ve been hot for over the years. You didn’t. Either they dumped you or you dumped them. So much for the staying power of chemistry. Thus, your challenge is to consider a new, healthier way to date. I’m not suggesting you marry a man who doesn’t make you laugh or go out with a guy whose face makes you gag. All I’m saying is that holding out for magical chemistry on the first date is, at best, an illusion. And since that’s the case, you’d be well-served to reserve judgment at least until the next day. At which point you may ask yourself: Did I have fun last night? Was conversation easy? Was he thoughtful? Was he reasonably cute? Does he seem like he’s looking for a relationship? Has he called me already to tell me he wants to go out again? One matchmaker I know insists that all of her clients go on a minimum of 2 dates with each other. I’m not saying I recommend this in all circumstances, but think about it: wouldn’t you act really different if you KNEW you’d be seeing that person again? Sure, you would. You wouldn’t feel such pressure to make a quick decision. You wouldn’t feel like you’re being judged too harshly yourself. You could let down your guard and act more naturally. You could create a rapport that could grow into chemistry. In short, with a two-date minimum, you’d probably have more fun, show your best side, and develop a natural friendship. Which is pretty much the basis for any long-term relationship. Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with being picky. But if picking yourself out of all your dating options hasn’t worked, you might want to open up to a few more second dates. - Evan Katz, Author of "Why You're Still Single"
If so, see him again. It costs you nothing and gives you the chance to get to know him better.
