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I remember in the months leading up to the year 2000, I made love resolutions for the new millennium. I joked with friends that I wouldn't date anyone who was not Y2K compatible, but I was serious. I wanted to be thoughtful about my love life in the 2000s. I've always believed that consciousness and commitment are key ingredients to change.
As you step into this new decade, I would encourage you to be thoughtful about your dating life and your relationships. To help you get started, here is my Top Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010.
1) Date the person -- not the potential.
It's wonderful to believe that the object of your desire will come around and treat you the way you want to be treated but remember - you're more likely to find success in love if you are realistic about who is in front of you today.
2) Listen to your date's words, but put more credence in her actions.
I often tell singles to pretend their dating lives are a silent movie. A woman may tell you she really likes you and wants to be with you, but if she is not following up and making you a priority, take the cue that she may not be relationship ready.
3) Take Risks.
If you keep doing the same thing in your love life and want to find new results, you have to do - and date - differently. Sometimes this means stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new activities to meet new people or stretching yourself emotionally.
4) Be Open.
You cannot have true intimacy without vulnerability. If you keep protecting yourself from getting hurt, you are shutting yourself off from real connection.
5) Be Resilient.
Remember that most dating scenarios are designed to fail. If everyone hit it off with every date, there would be no such thing as 'dating'! Sound depressing? It's actually good news. There is no need to put pressure on yourself that each date has to be a home-run.
6) Be Present.
Sometimes we are so concerned and analytical about whether or not someone is a good match that we ignore how we actually feel about the people we spend time with. Be present on your next date and see how you feel. Now.
7) Be Positive.
Plain and simple – a positive attitude attracts and will make dating more enjoyable. When you start dating new people, resist the urge to complain about how your ex hurt you or how much you hate your job. Stay upbeat!
8) Get Over An Ex Who is Haunting You.
Find yourself comparing every date to the woman who broke your heart? Write an angry letter (just make sure not to send the draft!), process your feelings with a friend or a therapist and do what you must do to find closure so you’re not bringing all the baggage from your last relationship into a potentially great new relationship.
9) Sweat the Small Stuff.
Do not undermine how important small gestures are to a woman. Making sure your date gets home okay, listening and genuinely being curious about what your date has to say, and being thoughtful often counts more to a woman than grand gestures.
10) Have fun.
In 2010, make a resolution to have fun in your dating pursuits! Dating is a great opportunity to meet new people, step out of your comfort zone and try new things. ENJOY!
Andrea Syrtash is a dating expert, life coach, author and host of 'ON Dating', produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book, "He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing)" will be published by Rodale in April 2010. Andrea has made Google 'hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com
If you’re like me, you’ve already broken it. (Sorry gym – I’m still sleepy at 7am!)
But there are some things in life with which we have no choice but to be resolute – and that is in our search for love, companionship and great sex.
So, without further ado, behold, your Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010.
1) Make an effort – What gives you the greater opportunity to find love: one date a year, or one date a week? Putting yourself out there is imperative to your success.
2) Don’t take things personally – There are some men you’re not going to like. There will be some men who don’t like you. That’s how it goes. Don’t get too derailed when a promising prospect disappears. Every single relationship fails…until the one that doesn’t.
3) Do nothing – Once you’ve made contact with him, it’s his job to follow up with you. You can reply to his calls, his emails, and his texts. You can say yes to him when he wants to make plans. But don’t initiate. A guy who’s crazy about you will let you know thru his efforts.
4) Stay open – My sister moved cross country and got engaged to a bald man she met online. One friend married a blue collar guy with a huge heart. Another married a man 15 years older. Drop your fantasy of how it “should” look. True love rarely fits your original ideal.
5) Be positive – You may hate dating. You may be exasperated with men. You may have experienced tons of cheaters, liars, and fools. And yet some woman falls in love every day. And Positive Polly is much more loveable than Negative Nellie.
6) Don’t try to change men – Men do what they want. If you don’t like what they’re doing, then leave. What you usually do is to stay and attempt to mold him into your idea of the perfect man. Don’t bother. He’ll resent you for trying; you’ll resent him for failing.
7) Change your focus – Choose kindness over lust. Consistency over brilliance. It’s not that it’s wrong to desire a smart, hot, rich guy; it’s that it doesn’t matter how great he is if you’re not being treated the way you deserve.
8) Be humble – recognize that while you sit across the lunch table dissecting the many things your date doesn’t have, he can do the exact same thing to you.
9) Forgive the ignorance – Men have no idea how to date you, but believe it or not, they’re doing their best. Forgive them when they talk too much or start to brag or get nervous. They just want you to like them.
10) Give yourself a break – Dating’s difficult enough. No point in beating yourself up – especially when you’re doing everything else above perfectly.
Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why You’re Still Single”. Learn to create your own success in dating by picking up his free eBook, “The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life” at www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html
1. Do I look fat?
2. What did you look like with hair?
3. How many lovers have you had?
4. How much can a partner at your law firm expect to make?
5. What is your ex like?