It's Just Lunch :: The Dating Tips Blog

Waiting for the Phone to Ring...

It's an almost iconic image: a woman sits at home, waiting for the phone to ring.  

Well, that was before we all had cell phones. Now, that same woman would be checking her cell every 5 minutes for messages, just in case she missed a call/didn't hear it ring.  

We're all familiar with this image, the woman who's completely obsessed, and stressed out.  Waiting and wondering about whether or not the man she went out with will call her for another date.  Every woman has done it.  If you're a woman, you can certainly remember at least one or two (or five) times when you've behaved this way.  

Which is why today's dating fact is so especially interesting. According to IJL polling, there is only a 1 in 8 chance that a first date will call you for a second date after 24 hours have passed.  So, after those first 24 hours, it's unlikely that that phone is going to ring.

This brings up another issue, a causal factor, one might say. Many times, at the end of the date, one or both parties say that they've had a wonderful time and would like to do it again, sometime.  Even if they don't mean it. 

As a matter of good dating etiquette, it's always better to be honest.  If you're not interested in seeing someone again, at the end of a date,  tell them it was great meeting them but that you don't feel any chemistry.  This way, no one is left wondering.

Conversation Tips: Things to Talk About this Weekend

Don't get stuck with awkward silence on your next date.  Here are a couple of easy topics to chat about if the conversation goes cold.

1)  Facebook is everywhere and everyone seems to be talking about it

 

• Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg announced a $100 million donation to Newark public schools.  Thoughts?
• 'The Social Network', the Facebook movie, opens soon.  Have you seen the preview?  What did you think of it?  Are you planning on seeing the movie?
• They just had a huge network outage. Did you notice?

2)  Lindsay Lohan is back in jail after failing another drug test

 

• Do you follow celebrity news?
• Amazing/sad how so many child stars end up struggling with addiction.

 

 

It's National Singles Week: Be Happy You're Single

This is National Singles Week (yes, there really is such a thing) which makes it the perfect time for us all to celebrate being single.  That's right - celebrate being single. We're not in relationships that make us unhappy. We're not settling for situations that we know aren't right for us.  We're independent and free. Able to make our own decisions, travel where and when we want, watch whatever we want on TV.

Celebrate. Being Single.

So maybe you're not always thrilled with being single? You're dating and hope to meet someone, someday to settle down with.  That puts you in the majority of single people.  You can be happy with your single life and, at the same time, date with the hope of meeting a future life partner.  It's about being happy with different stages of your life, not putting happiness on hold until you find Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Why is this important?  If you're dating, it's very important to remember that one of the most attractive features in any person is happiness. We all hope to meet a person who is happy. Happy and confident.  Conversely, a person who is unhappy with their life is unattractive to most people (no one wants to date a person who comes off as desperate).  So a single person who is desperate to meet someone, to not be single, will seem less attractive than someone who has embraced single life.  

So Happy Singles Week!

First Date Nerves

 By Andrea Syrtash, Author of He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing) 

My friend Maria calls me, on average, about half a dozen times before a first date. She asks for help on what to wear, how to act and what to talk about on her date. She worries that the guy won't be husband material...and she worries that he will be husband material (therefore, putting tons of pressure on herself and her date). 

What Maria and those of you who experience first date jitters must remember is that it's just a date! (Remember that this service is very appropriately called It's Just Lunch). First dates are all about potential - they are simply an opportunity to figure out if you would like to learn more about the person ahead. Or not.

Here are three simple things to keep in mind the next time you feel anxious on a first date: 

•Worry less about impressing your date - let your date impress you. 

Focusing more on the other person leads to a better date for two reasons: One, there is less pressure on you to perform perfectly or to be utterly entertaining and irresistible. Two, people notice when you notice them. A big complaint that I have heard from women after a first date is that the men they went out with did not put their focus on them, ask questions or listen well. Your date will notice if you are genuinely interested in what she has to say. Just make sure you are contributing your own experience and thoughts to the conversation so that you are not conducting a job interview on your date! 

 •Stay Present. 

Don't decide how you should feel about the person you're out with until you learn more about who she is. Don't skip ahead in your mind and figure out whether or not she's girlfriend or wife material. Try not to second guess everything that comes out of your mouth or anticipate the next thing you will say every time she speaks. In other words, stay present. When you stay in the moment on a first date, you are more likely to have fun and to follow your instincts. You will also make a better impression since I promise you are not fooling anyone if you are camped out in your head! 

•Highlight your passions. 

Ask your date questions about the best trip she ever took or what she loves about the city. Share your passions with her. When you keep the conversation upbeat and share what you are interested in, you are more likely to make a connection. People light up when they talk about things that they care deeply about.

On a first date, if you remember to be curious about your date, stay in the moment and highlight your passions, you will appear charismatic and confident, which are two of the most attractive qualities you can exhibit on a date. You may psych yourself up and then realize the other person isn't a match for you. A date is simply an opportunity to spend time with someone new and see if there's potential for more. Remember, a first date is all about possibility...not pressure. 

Andrea Syrtash is a dating and relationship expert, advice columnist and author of the new book, "He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing)". Andrea has made Google 'hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com

Overcoming First Date Jitters

By Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of the new book, “Why He Disappeared”. 

You ever get nervous before a date? 

Your mouth is dry, your hands are sweaty, your heart’s beating a million times a minute. 

You’re thinking about what you’re going to say, obsessing about how you look, and hoping that you make a first impression that leads to a second date. 

If this is part of your first date ritual, rest assured, you behavior is normal. 

But it doesn’t have to be. 

First date nerves reflect nothing more than a largely irrational fear of judgment – as if the new man in front of you is there to pick you apart like a figure skating judge. 

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to know that this is NOT when men do on dates. Men, as you’ve heard, are pretty simple. As such, we want to see two basic things on a date: Are you cute? Are you cool? If so, everything else is just a bonus. 

I trust that you’re cute.  I trust that you’re cool. 

And if you’re cute and you’re cool, there’s literally NOTHING to worry about. 

You’re GOING to get a second date. 

So instead of putting a tremendous sense of pressure on how you “perform” on your first date, I want you to think about the person with whom you’re the most comfortable. Is it your co-workers? Your best friend from college? Your brother? 

Now picture how you act with that person: THAT’s the best version of you. Comfortable, confident, silly, and light. When you’re with your best friend, you never worry about being judged, you never worry about making a dumb joke – you just act like yourself. 

In a nutshell, that’s the woman you’re supposed to be on a first date. 

But if you work yourself into a state of paralysis before your date – afraid of making a mistake or being judged - how can you ever be that playful, easygoing, confident woman you are around your friends? That’s right. You can’t. 

From now on, I want you to take the pressure off of yourself. Not because it’s impossible for things to go wrong, but because the more you worry about things going wrong, the less confident you appear on a date. And all men dig confident women. 

Ultimately, the secret to being a great first date is simple: stop worrying about whether the other person’s going to like you. Assume that he will. Imagine that YOU’RE the boss and he’s the intern, applying for a job with you. All you have to do is figure out if you want to go out with HIM again, not worry about whether he wants to see you. 

Confidence breeds success. Success breeds confidence. 

Stop worrying about your dates and watch your success skyrocket. 

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”. www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html