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September 2013

Dating Chivalry for Singles

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Notice how we said "singles" because chivalry isn't just for men, it's for women too. We may be a tad late with this post considering National Courtesy Month is drawing to a close, but that doesn't mean common courtesy should only be exercised during the month of September. Courtesy should be extended every month of the year and with every date you encounter. It's actually kind of sad that we have to dedicate a whole month to an act every single should already be doing as professionals. Since the whole concept of chivalry is rather sexist, placing the sole responsibility of chivalry on the man, It's Just Lunch wanted to take a moment to share a few tips on how both men and women can be more chivalrous to one another, especially in light of technology changing the way we date.

Chivalry for Men

1. Pick up the phone and call her. Gone are the days when the original knights in shining armor would request an opportunity to court a woman by way of a messenger. A woman wants a man who will make an effort and go the extra mile. Today, that extra mile is the difference between a date invite via text and a date invite via phone call.

2. Meet her more than half way. It's the gentlemanly thing to do to meet a woman some place where she feels safe and comfortable, especially when meeting for the first time or do. If you want to build good rapport and chemistry with a woman, to key is making her feel comfortable being with you. The best way to make a woman feel comfortable around you is to hang out in a setting that is most familair to her. 

3. Hold the door open for her. It may be cliche, but roughly 90% of women surveyed by AskMen.com agreed that the most chivalrous act a man can do is holding the door open for a woman. It's a sign of respect that ultimately reflects on you, especially when she notices that you don't just do it for her, you do it for others as well. A truly chivalrous man extends that chivalry to everyone he crosses paths with.

Chivalry for Women

1. Steer clear of mind games. When a man calls you, don't wait three rings to answer the phone or let it ring to voice mail first before waiting an hour to call back. If you're free, you're free. If you're not, you're not. Life is too short to be playing senseless games with the opposite sex. If you're among those always complaining about how men always text and never call, there's a pretty good chance it's because you never answer your phone or return his phone calls. Sure, men enjoy a little bit of a chase, but playing minds games like being unavailable when you're really available is taking it too far. Show him a little bit more respect by appreciating his valiant efforts to woo you.  

2. Give him permission to lead. Yes, women absolutely hate it when a man asks a woman out on a date and it turns into a game of 20 questions trying to figure out logistics. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? What time should we meet? In age of feminism, men are treading on thin ice to make sure they don't disrespect your independence and self-sufficiency. Throw him a bone and give him permission to take the reigns if that is what you want him to do, especially if you're tired of holding on the reigns of your daily life. If you want him to plan the date so you don't have to, ask him to surprise you or give him your preferences so he can take charge. If you don't care where you go, as long as he is willing to pick you up, say that. Sometimes, all a man needs is a green light to get him going. 

3. Offer to pay your way. While this is a topic that is always up for debate, the general consensus is that men should at least pay for the first date. Most professional men usually do insist on picking up the tab, but the way a woman dances around the check can be very revealing. If you excuse yourself to the bathroom as the check is being dropped, it may reflect on your poorly and illustrates a sense of entitlement even. However, if you offer to split the tab before excusing yourself to the bathroom, then it shows that you are a considerate person. There is another consensus that who ever does the asking does the paying. Even if that applies, the same principles still applies regarding how a person dances around the check.

Chivalry isn't just for men. It's for women too. At the end of the day, chilvary is centered around mutual respect for a person's time, energy and resources. 


What’s The #1 Way To Improve Your Dating Life?

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Sometimes, all you really need is a slight shift in mentality to experience significant improvement in your dating life if it means making past more first dates with people. 

There is a widespread belief that energy flows where ever your attention goes. Similarly,  attraction goes wherever positive energy flows. Think about it. If your attention is focused on self-improvement and the things that make you happy, then you will be sure to attract someone with a similar disposition. Conversely, if your attention is focused on everything that is wrong with you, the people you end up dating, or the perhaps even the world itself, then you’re pretty much going to reap what you sow.

Your mindset alone can really dictate your dating experiences for the better for the worse. It’s the #1 factor you have 100% control over that can improve your dating life significantly. In honor of National Self-Improvement Month, It’s Just Lunch has come up with a few simple tips designed to help you not only improve your dating life, but also to help you experience a change in mindset for an improved dating life.

Choose to see the good in people.

Matchmakers and dating specialists alike have talked to and met with dozens of professional singles. It can sometimes be rather disturbing to hear how jaded people have become over their dating prospects. Stop obsessing over the mental checklist in your head and start focusing on all the things your date is doing right, regardless if you are attracted to them or not. Be sure to acknowledge that this person may not be for you, but appreciate their more admirable qualities and hope to find those same qualities in someone with whom you feel a stronger attraction for.

Accept that people aren’t perfect.

No one is perfect--Not you nor your date, and certainly not your proverbial prince or princess. When singles adhere to a checklist of criteria, they tend to lose sight of what’s really matters the most. How does this person make you feel when you are around him or her? How do you make that person feel when he or she is around you?

Everyone has their quirks, but if you wanted to be treated the way you want to be treated some quirks are worth all the love in the world while other quirks are really just red flags. Know the difference and draw your boundaries appropriately.

Infect people with your smile.

It’s a known fact that people who wear a smile on their face are typically rated as more attractive than people who smile seldemnly. While this may mostly be true among women, the opposite appears to be true among men. In fact, researchers at the University of British Columbia discovered that brooding men were found more attractive by women than happy, men. Go figure!

This doesn’t mean should start walking around with scornful faces. If you happen to see a woman you’re attracted to, don’t be afraid to at least flash her that sexy smirk of yours, especially if you hope to start a conversation with her. Plus, it’s let’s a woman know you’re still interested when she feels like she can make you smile.

Are you ready for a new dating experience? Find a matchmaker near you when you contact It's Just Lunch at www.itsjustlunch.com.

Dating Advice from the 1930s

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Recently, a 1938 guide to dating for single women appeared online. “Careless women never appeal to gentleman. Don’t talk while dancing, for when a man dances, he wants to dance,” advises the author.  In another statement, ladies were counseled, “Don’t tug at your girdle,” and “Men don’t like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge them with lipstick.”

Eye-opening? As long as men and women have co-mingled, there have been strong ideas on the do’s and don’ts of dating. Are yesteryear’s words to the wise still applicable in the here and now? Have we evolved?

Yes and no. Girdles and kerchiefs are clearly things of the past, but much more has changed since the retro era of the 30’s: defined gender roles have since dissolved, conventions loosened, and technology has altered the way that we relate and communicate with each other. Men and women, more or less, stand on equal ground on just about every front: professional, political, and personal, and increased mobility means that our populations are more diverse and multicultural than ever.

That said, no longer bound by hard and fast rules, the modern single has a tricky scene to navigate. Misunderstandings are more likely to abound. Despite our contemporary lifestyles, many of us still have the ultimate goal of achieving and maintaining a solid, traditional relationship.  How to strike a balance between the ever-evolving day to day with old-fashioned values? 

The crux of our advice at It’s Just Lunch, focuses on human relations, regardless of gender.  What message are you sending when you’re making  (or avoiding) eye contact? What makes a good first impression? How do you set the scene for romance?  Whatever the era, there are some universal, common-sense rules to abide by. “Don’t drink too much,” advises the 1938 guide.  “Greet your date with a smile.” Though our daily lifestyles have evolved, courtesy and friendliness never change.

 


Tips for Starting a Conversation With Someone

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Sometimes, the hardest part of completing any task is first getting started. But once you get started, it only gets easier. The same concept can also be applied to the task of meeting new people and striking up a conversation with a particularly attractive single in your vicinity. There are three ways to approach the start of a conversation with someone without running the risk of blatant rejection. 

1. Ask someone for information.

  • "Excuse me, do you happen to have the time?"
  • "Have you been waiting in line long?"
  • "Do you know where I can find the nearest gas station?"

2. Pay someone a compliment. 

  • "Nice watch."
  • "Cute shoes."
  • "I like the way you think!"

3.  Create a shared experience.

  • "Amazing how we all prefer fondling our smart phones over having a real conversation with the people standing right next to us. "
  • "There must be some kind of event going on around here because this place is crowded."

When there is somsone you really want to talk to but are at a loss for words, just remember that you can never go wrong asking someone a question or paying someone a compliment. When you start a conversation with someone, your primary goal should be to assess how the person interacts with you and whether you should continue to engage them in conversation or move on to someone else more likely to engage you in conversation.

What are some other ways you've tried to start a conversation with someone? Send us a message on Facebook to share your story or ask us your dating questions.