Sarah Showfety was just another professional single trying to find love in the all the wrong places. She’d get set up on blind dates, try her luck with speed dating and even tried online dating, but nothing seemed to be working. After celebrating her 33rd birthday, she realized it has been her ninth birthday in a row without a boyfriend. Refusing to belief that she was doomed to a life of perpetual singleness, Showfety decided to enroll herself in the home school edition of Love 101, and committed herself to reading one dating book per month and applying the concepts presented in each book to her own love life.
By the end of her “Dating by the Books” experiment, which turned out to be the title of her first published book, a humorous take on one professional singles quest for love through the self-help aisle. After reading nearly two dozen different dating books from a Buddhist healer and Harvard M.B.A. to Dr. Phil and the Millionaire Matchmaker, Showfety is thankful for the three valuable life lessons she learned that eventually led her to marrying her Mr. Right.
1. Quit the Blame Game.
If you’re still single for longer than you’d prefer, the only person you have to blame really is yourself. “Take a good look inward and get real with yourself about how your thoughts, choices and patterns have caused your dating situation,” says the transformational coach. “Forgive everyone, including yourself. Take full responsibility for your actions and results, then do something different to change them.”
2. Don't Date While Downtrodden.
Showfety believes that you get what you project when it comes to dating in the wrong emotional state. If you’re frustrated with dating, you’re going to attraction other singles who are as fed up as you and neither of you will have a very positive dating experience as a result. “If you're feeling discouraged or bitter, take yourself out of the game and institute a self-imposed dating detox,” says Showfety. “Spend a few weeks or months taking care of YOU and your emotional and mental well-being. Take classes, go on vacation, start an exercise regimen or spiritual practice. Do whatever it takes to generate an inner sense of joy, positivity and possibility, then get back out there. Woe is me is not sexy.”
3. Be an Active Participant in your Love Life.
This was the biggest lesson Showfety is thankful she learned through her “Dating by the Books” experiement. “Sitting back and waiting for "it" to happen is the kiss of dating death,” she says. “Use ice breakers to start conversations and open body language to get more men to come your way. Go out with the express purpose of meeting dateables. Be willing to go out alone, it's less intimidating. Practice flirting everywhere. Use your network - ask friends to set you up with great people. And remember that anywhere, from the ATM to your lunch line, is a great place to meet someone!”