Chemistry

Professional Singles and Attraction

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How many dates does it usually take for you to decide whether you are attracted to someone or not? It’s Just Lunch asked its Facebook community of professional singles and the answers varied between one and three dates.

Here at It’s Just Lunch, we realize that attraction plays a huge role in the chemistry of dating. In fact, when it comes to determining romantic chemistry, most of the busy professional singles we work with focus very heavily on physical attributes, especially those who look 10 years younger than their actual age as well as those with a strong commitment to fitness and health. It’s only natural to want to be matched up with someone who looks as good and fit as yourself.

The problem with this kind of attraction, however, is that it doesn’t take into account the kind of attraction that is built over a period of time the more you get to know someone. Since time isn’t exactly a luxury for busy singles dating, there are actually a few body language tricks you could use to create instant attraction with someone you are really interested in.

#1) Always smile. Smiles are almost as contagious as sneezes and lets your date know that you are friendly and inviting. Even if you aren’t sure what to say, a smile can go a long way letting your date know that you’re having a great time and enjoy their company.

#2) Keep an open posture. Good body language conveys more than just confidence. It also conveys interest. Are your shoulders and feet facing your date or the door? Are you arms crossed or resting comfortably at your sides? Pay attention to message you’re sending with your body.

#3) Maintain eye contact. Some say that the eyes tell no lies. You can make your date feel uneasy if you’re looking everywhere in the room but at him or her, or you can signal your attraction to your date with a lingering gaze.

#4) Mirror their body language. You can put your date at ease by mimicking their tone of voice or their body language to create an illusion of being in tune with each other. It’s a great way to build rapport with someone new making it easier to connect and communicate.

In general, just be mindful of the way you communicate with your date. Only a small percentage of communication occurs through the words we speak. More than half of all the talking is actually done with your body. What kind of body signals do you use to indicate your attraction for someone? Follow It's Just Lunch of Facebook to let us know how you use body language to indicate interest or disinterest.


Political Crossroads

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Many relationships, especially new dating relationships don't find themselves aligned on the same road trip. So is this an opportunity to explore a dynamic adventure and enjoy for the long-term? Or just a week-end getaway towards an inevitable break-down.

This question was in the forefront of our minds when we created our latest It's Just Lunch® survey (which is causing quite a stir out there in red and blue states alike). 

56% of men believed that dating someone who has opposite political opinions might not make for a good long-term relationship, but it could create some fantastic passion.

56% of women disagreed. The survey revealed that women wanted to explore the differences and understand how men came to align with certain political opinions. Men on the other-hand, found the differences a green light to pursue a dating relationship-but were not interested in why women held a particular political stance. 

So where does this leave the future dating state of political opposites? Stay tuned. 

To read more of the yahoo article on our dating survey, click here

Warming Things Up on the Second Date

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Ok. We’ve all been there. Fighting off the first date jitters can be quite a job.

A call to the best friend for support, a bottle opener and designated driver, or even a quick chat with your therapist (the first available neighbor at the mailbox).

 BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND DATE?

Those first date jitters grew into real anticipation in the past few days and now, expectations of another great time are running high. 

And here comes the mental hamster wheel...

 “What if tonight isn’t as good as last time!!???” 

“Were they really that attractive or was it just really excellent lighting??!!”

“What if I LOVE tonight and they decide they don’t want to date anymore??!”

Ok. First off. Breathe. Second. You have a date to get ready for, so here’s a little insight. 

The first date ice is broken, and to keep things going,well you need to warm things up...literally! Research has been done that proves that physical warmth impacts perception of a person’s physiological warmth. What? No really. Dr. Amy Muise*, a social psychologist, revealed a study that showed offering a hot cup of coffee as opposed to an iced-coffee to someone, positively influenced the opinion of the receiver of the beverage...the person who was offered something warm (soup, a beverage, whatever) rated the person who offered the warmth as more "friendly" and "trustworthy" as opposed to the participants who were offered something cold. All good opinions, especially for a second date. So, the lesson? When it’s time to order...BRING ON THE HEAT! Maybe opt for teriyaki instead of sushi, coffee instead of iced tea, and you’ll have a better chance of securing that third date!

 

*http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/8/9/how-to-warm-things-up-on-your-next-date.html

 


Fireworks

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Everybody Loves Fireworks. 

The Fourth of July wouldn’t be the same without them. It would just be any other day off from work, sweating it out in the backyard with friends, celebrating a break-up with England. But even better than holiday Fireworks?

Dating Fireworks. 

Now those are exciting; pounding heart, butterflies colliding, passionate and romantic dates that last hours, maybe even days....sigh.

 The problem is, after the Dating Honeymoon winds down, and you’re in a relationship, how do you keep that excitement and intensity going? 

Lesson one, according to Psychology Today*, is that fireworks need two specific kinds of fuel...Fantasy and Seduction. By carefully using both of these elements, you can prevent the fizzling, and create lasting passion.

Setting the Stage 

Couples therapist Laurie Watson LMFT, LPC  talks about this in her recent article, "Fireworks in the Bedroom". She believes that there can be a disconnect for men and women between the physical aspect, focused on by men, and the seductive tension that builds up the fantasy of sex, that is needed by women.

So, how do you accomplish this men? Simple. By being verbally and physically attentive...compliments, smiling from across the room, embracing her around the waist, whispering how much you want her in her ear, letting her know how special she is, etc.  For women, these verbal and physical behaviors create the necessary fantasy about what’s going to be happening later. 

Now, add in some candles, some music, and you’re ready to enjoy those relationship fireworks any night of the week! 

 

*http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201207/fireworks-in-the-bedroom

 


Cyber Chemistry

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Now more than ever it’s easier to reach people over technology. Ridiculously easy. Between texting, Facebooking, Skyping, emailing....(insert 30 more platforms here) you can connect with your second cousin’s best friend’s sister on her trip to Thailand while you’re shopping on Amazon, watching On-demand, and IMing with your mom. Technology is time-saving and convenient. But, can it also be personal when you really need it to be? 

 

It’s Just Lunch® says Absolutely! We know that dating relationships take work and as busy professionals, your time is limited as it is. But, this doesn’t have to stand in the way of being available to continue to get to know someone, even if they aren’t across the table from you, or even across town. For those times that you’re apart from the person you’re dating, why not utilize the best part of technology to keep the chemistry going in your relationship? 

 

The next time you’re separated from your someone because you’re being held hostage by that dreaded convention, why not set up a Cyber Date? After all, just because you’re temporarily far away from each other doesn’t mean that you can’t have an exciting date! (fingers crossed that the wifi in your hotel is working of course). 

So here are the steps:

Be serious about it, like you would for a real date. 

Set a time. 

Get primped. 

Maybe grab a glass of wine. 

Turn off the phone and turn ON the computer. 

Your someone will definitely love that you’re willing to make time for them in the middle of your other responsibilities.

Enjoy making those Cyber Sparks fly!