Conversation Tips

Tips for Starting a Conversation With Someone

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Sometimes, the hardest part of completing any task is first getting started. But once you get started, it only gets easier. The same concept can also be applied to the task of meeting new people and striking up a conversation with a particularly attractive single in your vicinity. There are three ways to approach the start of a conversation with someone without running the risk of blatant rejection. 

1. Ask someone for information.

  • "Excuse me, do you happen to have the time?"
  • "Have you been waiting in line long?"
  • "Do you know where I can find the nearest gas station?"

2. Pay someone a compliment. 

  • "Nice watch."
  • "Cute shoes."
  • "I like the way you think!"

3.  Create a shared experience.

  • "Amazing how we all prefer fondling our smart phones over having a real conversation with the people standing right next to us. "
  • "There must be some kind of event going on around here because this place is crowded."

When there is somsone you really want to talk to but are at a loss for words, just remember that you can never go wrong asking someone a question or paying someone a compliment. When you start a conversation with someone, your primary goal should be to assess how the person interacts with you and whether you should continue to engage them in conversation or move on to someone else more likely to engage you in conversation.

What are some other ways you've tried to start a conversation with someone? Send us a message on Facebook to share your story or ask us your dating questions. 


Politics On A First Date??!!!

PoliticalParties

Whoa, really? Aren’t there enough obstacles to get through....

What (not) to wear, where to go, what friend is gonna answer your 911...etc. Do we really need to add politics into the mix? Can’t we just stick with high-school nicknames and favorite stories about our pets? 

Maybe for the first thirty minutes. But if you really want to make it to the second drink, or even a second date, reality has to set in at some point, right?

So, we at It’s Just Lunch® decided to poll this awkward topic out to the daters all over the country, to see how they felt about tackling politics while they’re figuring out if they even like the person across the table from them yet.

Surprisingly, almost an even percentage of women (21.4%) and men (19.6%) said that bringing up your favorite animal in the middle of cocktails is perfectly fine on a first date and was good way to connect on an intellectual level. They agreed again, nearly 36% across the board that broaching the subject was risky, however it could make for some good conversation. Only 15% of all those surveyed said talking about politics on a first date was absolutely taboo. 

Our take? If you feel like taking a slight risk to find out more about your date, you could end up connecting on a much deeper level than you ever had before on a first date!


Key to A Successful First Date: Great Conversation

Couple in cafe 6.25Whether you’re engaging in a lunch date, heading to an art gallery, going to a concert, or simply taking a stroll on a beautiful day, the point of a first date is to get to know someone and you can’t do that without conversation. There’s an old Buddhist saying about conversations called “Right Speech” that basically means the following: speak warmly, friendly, and gently and you can make friends and avoid war. For our purposes, we’ll extend it into use on first dates.  According to our annual It’s Just Lunch dating survey, over a third of singles mentioned easy conversation as an important component of compatibility. So what does this mean? You can dress to the nines, exude physical attractiveness, and even share a similar outlook on life; but if you can’t carry a conversation and verbally express yourself, you’ll have a hard time getting that important second date.

If you struggle with conversation on the first date or simply aren’t sure what to say, there are several tips we can help you with in order to get you going. First: know your current events. You don’t need to dive into the details of politics or the intricacies of a celebrity’s private life, but having a cursory knowledge of what’s going on will help drive conversation. Remember, ignorance isn’t necessarily bliss. Second: ask open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that may just have a yes or no answer. That said, third: remember something your date said and come back to it later on in the conversation if possible. Everyone loves a good listener; it means you’re interested in what they have to say. Fourth: throw a few jokes into the conversation if appropriate. But please, make sure they are clean and inoffensive. Finally, five: be positive. This is probably the most important element to a first date conversation. While self-deprecation can be cute, it’s rarely a turn-on or a chemistry builder. The majority of people react well to positive thinking, so roll with it. 

So what are some good topics of conversation for a first date? There are lots of options, but generally speaking the vast majority of singles polled in our survey said “hobbies and interests” are among the easiest conversation topics to tackle. After that came travel, followed by family, movies, and food.

It’s easy to come up with ideas of what to talk about; however, what people often have problems doing is avoiding topics that shouldn’t be brought up in the first place. You’re best served by not bringing up any past conquests. In fact, the majority of respondents cited conversation along those lines as a major turn-off. You may also want to avoid talking about money, health problems, politics, and the future. Now, some may say it’s disingenuous not to bring up discussion topics like those on the first date. What if politics, religion, money, physical ailments, or even an ex plays a large role in your life? The difference between good conversation topics and bad conversation topics is simply, common ground. First dates are opportunities to meet people halfway and see what they are all about. Often times, the topics under the “avoid” column are there because they might alienate a date or are deeply personal. Remember the goal of a first date is to get to know someone and make them feel comfortable!

Now that you’re engaged in a brilliant conversation with your date, it’s time to inject a little flirtation into the mix. Why? Because while good conversation will help strength a bond between two people, flirtation can help enhance chemistry; besides, you don’t want to get stuck into the “friend zone”, especially on a first date.

So what signals can you give off that mean you’re interested? Simple. Pay undivided attention to your date. Almost 50% of It’s Just Lunch survey respondents mentioned this as being a surefire sign the date went well. This means big things like actively listening and engaging in the conversation and little things such as turning your cell phone off, or not being distracted by what’s going on around you. Remember, a little attention can go a long way. So ride that wave and make your partner feel special. If the date is going well, they’ll return the favor. 

 


If You Don’t Have a Job, At Least Have a Plan

So what if you’re unemployed? In the economy, it’s a common theme—even among professionals. Well, we have good news and bad news:

The bad news first. While about 65% of men surveyed by It’s Just Lunch said they would have no problem going out on a date with a woman who was unemployed, women were far less amenable to the idea, with only 25% saying they would go out on a date with an unemployed man. In fact, 33% of women said they would rule out a date entirely with a guy who is unemployed, compared to only 8% of men.

As we mentioned before, both our male and female respondents suggest we still tend to seek more traditional roles, even when it’s being set up for a first date. Men don’t mind providing to a woman who is out of work, but women seek men who have the ability to do some of the providing—at least an equal share of it. Here’s where the good news comes in. About 42% of women said they would consider a date with an unemployed man, as long as he had a plan for getting back on track.

What’s the key? Unemployment shouldn’t disqualify you from dating, but remember to focus on your own life too. The dating market isn’t as tough as the job market, but for both—having a plan is the difference between finding a successful match and being left out in the cold.