It's Just Lunch :: The Dating Tips Blog

How to tell if you are ready for commitment:

Are you and your partner both emotionally ready for a committed relationship right now? If one of you is and one of you isn't, you are both wasting your time and energy.

Avoiding this conversation (or choosing to overlook the importance of it) is a major mistake. You could mislead someone into believing there is a future with you, or you might spend months or years fooling yourself with an unavailable partner.

In relationships, as in life, timing is everything. We all get to different stages of emotional growth at different times and there is no right or wrong time for commitment. It happens when you're ready. And for some, it may never come.

Relationship experts believe we attract people who reflect some part of ourselves, so if you find that you frequently attract non-committal partners, you may have some subconscious motivation not to commit to yourself.

Love at First Sight?

While men do look for more than just looks, they are very quick to determine whether or not they are interested in seeing a woman again.  79% of men on a first date take 15 minutes to determine whether or not they want to see a woman again.

Women, on the other hand, take a little longer to determine whether or not to go out on a second date.  64% of women will take an hour on a first date to determine if they would see a man again.  So what do you need to do in that hour while she is deciding?  Exude confidence.  Confidence wins out over looks or job status when it comes to getting the girl.

What Women Look for on a First Date

• Does he carry himself with confidence?
• Did he complain about every aspect of his life?
• Does he appear trustworthy, dependable and honest?
• Do we have good chemistry? Am I attracted to him?
• Do I like his sense of humor? Does he have one? Did we have fun together?
• Was he complimentary? Did he say something positive about the way I look?
• Did he only have eyes for me? Or was he interested in other women in the room?
• Is he a good communicator? Did he listen and appear to be interested in what I had to say?
• Is he well groomed with good hygiene? Clothes clean and pressed?
• Is he interesting? Did we engage easily in conversation or was it a struggle? Did he only talk about himself?
• Is he intelligent? Does he seem interested in life? Is he the type of man who makes things happen?
• Does he have good manners? Did he show me consideration and treat me with respect? Is he polite to others? Was he insulting about his exes?

The next time you are out on a first date remember what the opposite sex is attracted to. Have fun, smile and be confident in who you are. You’ll be more attractive and you’ll have more fun.

Get Your Flirt On!

The next time you are out and see someone you are interested in, don't be shy.  Strike up a conversation.  Not quite sure what to say?  If you are at a venue that has music, talk about the band.  If you are at a place with a nice atmosphere, talk about the ambiance or the decor of the bar or restaurant.  If you are not comfortable with either of those, talk about what a beautiful brisk day it is the next time you are picking up your morning coffee.  You'll be sure to strike up a conversation. 

Dress to Impress

Once you've agreed on a time and place for your date, it's time to figure out what to wear.  Though clothes can never be a substitute for self-confidence or a positive attitude, they can go a long way in making a good impression and give you a head start on landing a second date.

What is most important about dressing for a first date is wearing something that you feel comfortable in, both physically and mentally.  Just reach for your favorite confidence-boosting outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks.

If you don't have one, get on immediately.  Every single should have at least one outfit that they look and feel amazing in.  You should be able to put it on at any time and know that you look great and feel confident and sexy in the clothes.  Pick out something classic that you can wear to any type of date.  You want an outfit that can be dressed down for a more casual date, or dressed up for a more formal date. 

What Men Look for on a First Date

• Does she complain about men?
• Is she open to new things?
• Do I like her cloths and sense of style?
• Can she speak intelligently about more than one thing (such as her job)?
• Is she emotionally available or is she still talking to her ex a lot?
• Can she maintain eye contact? Is she nervous?  Is there some energy between us or is it flat? (Nervous is better than flat)
• Is she generous or is she confrontational?  Can she hold her own opinion without making me wrong?
• Does she have a good sense of humor and a "fun" attitude?  Does she get my sense of humor?  Is she happy?
• Do we have chemistry?  How does she respond when I put my hand on the side of her arm or in the small of her back?  Is she open and not afraid to show that she likes me?
• Is she high maintenance?  Does she talk about nicer places than the one you are taking her to in a way that makes you think she would have rather gone there?  Does she pick the most expensive thing on the menu on a first date?

The Top 10 Things to Know on a First Date

There is must know information that every single should be able to rattle off at any moment during a date.  Don't be left racking your brain for something to talk about.  Say goodbye to awkward silence during a date.

1. Current Events... and we're not talking celebrity stuff.  Know what's going on in your city and across the globe.  Staying on top of current events is a huge turn-on to both sexes.  It shows that you are intelligent and that you care about what is going on around you and around the world.  Don't have time to read the newspaper?  Log onto Yahoo! News to get caught up quickly before your next date.
2. Know what sport is in season and know the name of your city's teams.  Ok, this may seem really basic, but seriously know what sports are going on.  It's a major turn-off to a man to think that football is going on during the summer.
3. Have at least heard of 3 of The New York Times bestsellers.  This doesn't meant that you have read then; it simply means that you are paying attentions to what books are hitting the est seller list.  It's a great conversation starter, "Have you read ___?  I've seen it on the best seller list for weeks and have wanted to pick it up, but haven't talked to anyone who has read it.  Do you recommend it?"
4. Know how to pronounce the last place you traveled.  This should be an easy one and a great way to start a conversation.  "I just went to Nice, France and it was beautiful.  Have you ever been there?"  Now if you mispronounce the city and say "nice" you may not get far with the conversation.
5. Know the difference between a Cabernet and a Chardonnay.  Know a little bit about wine will make selecting a bottle for you and your date to share much easier.  We suggest going to a wine tasting.  You;s  learn about all the different varieties of wine, and get to taste them as well.  If there is not wine tasting bars close by, pick up the movie Sideways, you'll learn all about wine, in particular, Merlot. 
6. Have at least one interesting piece of trivia to talk about (ie the human adult head weighs 15-20 pounds).  Knowing one quick piece of trivia will get any date out of a conversation slump.  Any time there is silence, throw out a random fact, it'll be sure to keep the conversation flowing. 
7. Know how to tell one joke well.  Keep the jokes clean.  No one wants to go on a date with someone who tells vulgar jokes on a first date.  Keep the jokes to something you would tell your boss or your grandmother.
8. Know the big art scene (music, theater, movies) in your area.  Even if you are not into the arts, know what is going on in your city.  Check to see what hit off Broadway musical is coming to your area, any upcoming concerts or the new art exhibit at the museum.  Even if you are now into the arts, this will definitely impress them.  It shows you are well rounded. 
9. If the restaurant  menu is stumping you -- just point.  French restaurants can be quite confusing when it comes to ordering.  Skip the embarrassment of mispronouncing the entree and simply point to the item you select.  Or if you date orders what you want, "I'll have the same."
10. Where you parked your car.  No one wants to see their date wander around the parking lot after they just said goodbye.  If you're concerned you may forget where you parked out of nervousness, valet the car.   

Get Happy

Leave work at 5 o'clock and enjoy happy hour with your co-workers.  Happy hours are a great way to spend time with your co-workers and the perfect opportunity to meet other professionals.  After work crowds at hip restaurants and bars are perfect for mingling with other busy professionals.  Most restaurants and bars have happy hour specials Monday through Friday, but be sure to arrive early, most get packed by 6 o'clock.

Stay Fit

Now that summer is past, get into the routine of heading to the gym.  Not only will you get in shape, but you'll meet other singles who are as into working out and staying healthy as you are.  The gym is a hidden singles spot in every city that is often taken for granted when it come to meeting people.  Most people go to the gym around the same time every day.  See someone special?  Be sure to go the gym at the same time for your next work out.  Leave your ipod at home and strike up a conversation when you are lifting weights or running on the treadmill.  If that doesn't suit you, take a class.  Most health clubs offer night time classes - a great place to meet other busy professionals after work who have similar interests when it comes to working out. 

Enlarge Your Social Circle By Trying Something New

The concept is simple:  the way to meet new people is to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. 

How about a dance class?  Learn to rumba, cha-cha, or ballroom dance.  Every city is full of dance studios offering classes nearly every day of the week.  Then take your new dance moves and spend a night on the town showing off what you've learned. 

Dancing not you thing?  Try a cooking class instead.  Classes are typically held in the evening and most cooking schools offer specials if you bring your friends.  Grab a group of friends and learn how to make something new too.  If you don't have anywhere to show off your new recipe, bring it into work.  You'll score points with your co-worker.  Plus who knows, they may rave to their single friend about what a fantastic cook you are.