It's Just Lunch :: The Dating Tips Blog

Beyond The First Date

We get asked all the time for tips to help singles get past the first date so they can have a successful second date. Many singles feel more anxiety about their second date than they felt before their first.   The stakes have been raised because you like this person and there is a fear regarding whether or not the second date will work out. It’s important to not get ahead of yourself, after all it’s just a second date.  This should NOT be looked at as the opportunity to determine whether he/ she is the one.

It’s Just Lunch second date tips:

1. Choose a place you both feel comfortable at and one that suits both your tastes.  If you both like to golf, meet at the driving range for example.

2. Ask questions and listen carefully – 38% of singles say one of the most important things they notice on a first date is whether their date asked questions.

3. Let them see the real you. Now is the time to drop the façade and share your opinions and interests – 46% of singles say that not having common interests is a deal breaker. It’s better to know sooner than later if you have something in common.

4. Share yourself.  Express your opinions, desires and goals – 49%  of singles say having common values and goals is one of the top reasons a relationship works in the long term.

5. At the end of the date,  don’t make false promises about what comes next if you are not interested in taking the relationship further – 40% of singles have told their date they would call them again but never ԁіԁ. Be honest.  There’s no reason to be rude to someone you barely know.

We recommend going on at least two dates before making your mind up about not seeing someone again. Sometimes it takes a few meetings before the chemistry kicks in.  I speak from experience here.   The first time I met my husband, at the end of the date I told him I never wanted to see him again.  Well… 18 years and one child later, we are still together!  In the end,  trust your instincts, though, and have fun!

Looks, Money & Sex: The Truth Behind Common Dating Fears Part 2

Last month we took a look at the top 5 male dating insecurities.  Now, let’s take a look from the female perspective.  Here’s the top five female dating worries and how to overcome.

 

1)      Appearance

Girls, when you talk yourself out of being excited about a date because you have the insane thought that all men want a woman who looks like a princess and acts like a prostitute, just know that this is completely untrue, and it’s keeping you from finding true love.  Most guys aren’t looking for a fake, plastic Barbie; they’re searching for a fun life partner who will spoon with him and kiss his tears.  Oh, and if he does want Barbie, then he’s not the right one for you, anyway!

Guys, real men want real women, right?  Please understand that the superficial society that we live in is really doing a number on women’s body images!  Lip injections, fake breasts, and hair extensions are not natural and should not be the norm.  Make sure you’re not contributing to your date’s unrealistic expectations. 

 

2)      Food

Ladies, it’s just lunch, but we know that there’s no such thing as just lunch, dinner, or even a snack, because what you eat and when you eat it is a constant source of stress and anxiety for most of us.  But you have to try to put your issues with food aside and pay attention to your date, instead.  If you really start dating this guy, you two will be eating many, many meals together, so don’t pretend to be one of those girls who can run all day on a few iceberg leaves.  Remember that guys like women with hearty appetites (in and out of the bedroom), so don’t be afraid to eat real food and let him know how much you enjoy it!

Gentlemen, you know that girls can be a bit nutty when it comes to food, so please don’t add fuel to the fire by talking about fat content or calories while on a date.  She might just take it personally if you ask three times if she wants a Diet Coke instead of regular.  Plus, dessert is sexy and good for the soul.  We also suggest always ordering a dessert to share and encouraging her to eat more than half of it. 

 

3)    Age

Ladies, we know that some of you may be hearing your biological clock ticking louder than Marisa Tomei could ever stomp her foot, and even worse – you’re worried that your date can hear it, too!  There is only one thing you can do about this while you’re actually on the date.  Relax.  Stop doing the math about how old you’ll be at your firstborn’s wedding even if you get pregnant tomorrow or worrying if this guy would rather be with someone half his age, and start paying attention to whether or not you even like him.

Guys, you already know not to ask your date’s age right off the bat, but don’t ask for it in sneaky ways, either, like by inquiring about when she graduated from college or what her prom song was.  Not every woman over (or nearing) thirty is in a rush to have kids, so don’t let her age scare you!  It’s a cliché because it’s true – age is nothing more than a number.  Focus on getting her number, instead.

 

4) Sex

Girls, we know that everything about sex might make you insecure on a date – whether or not he’ll want you, whether or not you’ll want him, whether you’re experienced enough or too experienced…it just goes on and on!  The truth is simple:  You have what he wants.  Trust in this and let it be your guide through every date, whether it ends in bed or with a chaste kiss on the cheek.

Guys, guess what?  Women are just as insecure in the bedroom as you are.  Who knew you had so much in common?  Without acting skeevy, let her know that she does indeed have what you want.  Compliment her hair, her dress, or her eyes.  Let her know that she’s beautiful and sexy, and insecurity-free sex (which is really the only good kind) will be in both of your futures.

 

5)  Job

Even if you have a fabulous job, you may be concerned that your date will judge you based on what you do for a living.  Unlike with men, many women are actually worried that their high-powered careers may intimidate men or be scared that working eighty hours a week sends a message to men that marriage and family are not their priorities.  Well, ladies, don’t for one second play small or minimize your hard earned success in order to win over a man.  The right man will be impressed and turned on by a powerful, successful, passionate woman like you. 

We hope you guys know not to belittle your date’s career or even ask yourself silly questions like, “She has a great job and makes plenty of money – what does she need me for?”  The women you are dating are looking for a partner to share their lives with, not a meal ticket – and you should be very glad of that.  Trust that you have plenty of other important things to offer her (companionship, passion, love, etc.) and your dating life will be much more balanced and happy.

 

 

Get Down to Business? Not on a First Date

Most successful men spend the better part of their day working. However, that doesn’t mean they enjoy talking about their occupation when getting to know you. In fact, It’s Just Lunch surveys consistently show that men would prefer not to discuss work on a first date. If work comes up, men watch for signs that it’s their personality, not their profession, that is sparking your interest.

“I love what I do. And with the right person at the right time, I love talking about it,” says Jeff, a Dallas physician.

For Jeff, a first date is not the right time. But just because a woman asks about it does not make her the wrong person. It’s what she says and does afterward that matters to him. “I have had a few dates where things might have gone differently to assure me those women were interested in me and not my job title or earning potential,” Jeff says.

Acting impressed simply because Jeff is a doctor puts him on guard. “You can’t know on a first date that what I do is admirable,” he points out.

Finding out what Jeff does and then asking no questions feels as wrong to him as asking inappropriate things like how much he makes.

Clumsy: “So, you’re a doctor!”

Better: “So, you survived the rigors of med school. How did you decide on your specialty?”

The latter question suggests there’s more to Jeff than his title and provides an opportunity to find out what makes him tick.

Chris, a mechanical engineer, finds it “completely natural” to talk about his occupation on a first date. “It seems rather odd to me to not discuss what you spend most of your day doing when you’re specifically trying to get to know someone,” he says, “but I do understand why some men would have reservations.”

His advice: “Don’t ever talk about work right off the bat. Connect over something besides work first. Come prepared to talk about things you like and see what the guy picks up on. Share things that are representative of you as a person, such as a favorite vacation, a concert you went to, a book you’re reading.”

Asking what a guy did over the weekend, Chris concludes, probably will reveal more on a first date than what he does for a living.

The Perfect Goodbye: How to End a First Date

Dating can be stressful. That's a given. You worry about what to wear, what to say, what not to say... And then, there's that uncomfortable moment at the end of the date.

Many a good date has gone suddenly wrong in those last few seconds. Perfectly nice people freeze up, freak out and for some strange reason say and do completely inappropriate things at the ends of dates.  

Here are some simple, common-sense recommendations from one of our It's Just Lunch Matchmakers so that you can avoid those uncomfortable moments and have a perfect (or, at the very least, good) goodbye at the end of your next date.

Remember these words, "It was nice meeting you." If it was an awkward date and you're not interested in seeing the person again, "It was nice meeting you," is a graceful way to end your conversation.

If you want to see the person again, let them know.  You can do this by exchanging business cards, phone numbers, etc... 

It you don't want to see the person again, don't say, "Let's do this again, sometime," or something similar.

Don't lead someone on.  And please do not agree to another date and then avoid the person's phone calls.  

Keep it light. Leave something for the next date.

Remember that sometimes it takes more than one date to determine if you have chemistry. So, keep an open mind and think about seeing this person again. 

The Valentine's Day Survival Guide for Men

Valentine's Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, but it often ends ups being the cause of lots of stress for guys. 

It's not uncommon to hear married men, or men in long-term relationships worry or complain aloud about Valentine's Day. But it can be even more daunting for men who are casually dating or who are in new relationships. What should they do?  When is it too early (if ever) to start celebrating Valentine's Day with a new girlfriend?

We here at It's Just Lunch have done the research for you, so that you can feel confident with your Valentine's Day decisions.

First off, let's talk about first dates. Is it appropriate to ask someone out of a first date for Valentine's Day?

• 41% of men said no way—too corny. 
• 62% of women said “Sure, why not?” and would accept a first date on Valentine’s Day.  

So if you're not currently seeing someone, you should go for it and ask someone new out for Valentine's Day.

Now for those of you who are dating someone new, here are some statistics that you'll find helpful: 40% of women do not expect a gift until you are in a committed relationship. BUT the another 40% DO expect a gift after 3 months. After just two weeks, only 4% expect to receive something.

 

Which means that guys in newer relationships don't have to worry so much about Valentine's Day.  

HOWEVER, there are some women who expect a gift after a month (17%). So it's probably better to be safe than sorry.  When asked, Over a third of women said that they considered flowers and a card (with a handwritten note, not just a signature) to be the best Valentine’s Day gift.  Only 4% put a box of chocolate on their  Valentine’s Day ideal gift list.  Why?  Because giving chocolate makes you look like you waited until the last minute to pick up a gift and then picked it up at the local super- market. In other words, like you didn't put any thought into it.