It's Just Lunch :: The Dating Tips Blog

Social Media Face Off

You’ve been there. Meeting someone new for the first time and even before you can sit down at the table...You spot it. The Third Wheel that brings a big fat rain cloud all over your Happy Hour. The cell phone. Doesn’t matter if it’s the latest, prettiest, most polite, speaking better grammar at you than your professors. It’s still got the capability of crashing the potential of a first date.

 

Why have we become so obsessed with our phones, especially with social media, that we’ve forgotten the importance of real, live, connections? It seems to be an epidemic no matter what age you are. You know what your dorm-mate from undergrad ate for breakfast this morning, but the name of your date across the table is a little foggy.

 

We at It’s Just Lunch® were fascinated by this phenomenon, and conducted a survey of men and women to find out how folks felt about social media etiquette on a date and it’s presence at the table.

 

The response was overwhelming in favor of pocketing social media on a date.

89.7% of men said that it was “rude” and they never check and 91.3% of women agreed.

Only 5.5% of men, and 4.9% of women said they would check, if their date was checking too.

A VICTORY for dates for everywhere! Sorry Facebook. You lose. Dates win.

 

Dating, Chemistry and Timing

After interviewing a lot of single men and women on their dating experiences, It’s Just Lunch managed to get some real, inside information on what men and women are really looking for when they meet someone for the first time. We’ve offered tips on making a good first impression, flirting and wordplay, and tips for both sexes on what they expect out of someone on a first date. However, through all the tips and tricks, sometimes it just comes down to chemistry and timing. So what are those two seemingly nebulous yet important parts of a date?

 

You Can’t Force Chemistry… But You Can Coax It Along

So what is chemistry? Most people aren’t sure exactly what it is, but they know it when they feel it. If you have good chemistry with someone, such as on a first date, you’ll want to pursue more time with him or her. If there is bad chemistry, then it’s unlikely you’ll want to see each other again. Whatever the case, most singles – almost 66% of our respondents – said that chemistry is the single most important part of a first date; more so than even initial compatibility. While a couple may not be perfect on paper, a first date may reveal a lot more than what is in a profile. In fact, almost 44% of singles said that if they “felt comfortable being themselves” it meant the first date was a success. And listen up, ladies: 49% of men said that being able to feel comfortable as themselves on a first date was a sure sign of a good one.

 On occasion, there will be times where a first date will reveal no chemistry whatsoever. While this isn’t a bad thing, it might mean that one person wasn’t comfortable opening up, or perhaps there was mutual defensiveness on both sides. Again, while you can’t necessarily force chemistry, you can take some of the tips we have covered on www.itsjustlunchblog.com to help coax it in the right direction.

 

Confidence Has A Lot To Do With Interviewing… That, and Timing

The comparison may seem a little cold, but let’s face it: first dates are very much like interviews. Exude confidence, be comfortable in your own skin, be interested and kind to your first date, and chances are you’ll get a second one. However, there is a window in which most people decide on whether or not they’ll want to see someone again. According to our respondents, 44% of women and 46% of men decide within the first twenty minutes whether or not a second date is in the cards. The good news is that since a previous survey in 2004, both men and women are gradually deciding later and later in the date as to whether or not they want to see each other again. For example, in 2004, almost 80% of guys decided whether or not to take a woman out again within the first 15 minutes!

 

Dating Material or Relationship Material?

If the chemistry and compatibility is right, most men and women start thinking about when they want see each other again. However, are they merely thinking about a second date, or are they thinking about a relationship? Hold on to your hats, guys: 45% reflected on a first date and then asked yourselves, “Is she relationship material?” On the other hand, almost 51% of women are more likely to consider whether they want a second date or not, while 39% asked themselves if a guy was relationship material.

Even though it seems a lot can happen within the first hour of a date that makes a single decide whether or not they want to see someone again, the best thing to do is just slow it down. Dating, and much like the relationships that can follow, are marathons; not sprints. With all the complex intricacies that can occur on in a first date, it’s tough to expect perfection. If we let our guards down a bit and relax, have fun, be comfortable in our own skin and make our dates comfortable in theirs, you’ll never know what kind of surprises you’ll discover.

 

dating advice, first dates, timing, chemistry, It’s Just Lunch, dating tips

20 Years of First Dates – Part 3: First Date Tips for Women. Kindness is Key

Magazines and advice columns often say being standoffish or playing “hard-to-get” is an attractive quality in women that men notice. We’re going to debunk that theory. If you’re on a first date, don’t play coy, ladies. This is a chance to get to know someone. You’ve agreed to go on a date with a guy; be kind and approachable and you’ll radiate attractiveness. 

1. Dress for Success: Give a guy an opportunity to use those compliments he has saved up for you and dress like you’re interested, whether it’s an intimate dinner date or a casual walk in the park. Style points count toward chemistry.
2. Be On Time: While you really shouldn’t be late for anything, being late for a first date can be a mood-killer for men. Trust us.
3. Kindness is Key: Whether it’s directed toward your date or toward the wait staff, 34% of singles mentioned kindness as the most important character trait in a partner.
4. Avoid Negativity: Leave unflattering remarks about your ex-boyfriend, your boss, your family at the door. And avoid self-deprecation too.  Men appreciate a positive attitude. 
5. Be Light and Playful: While going on a first date might often feel like a job interview, there isn’t any reason to make it stay that way. Create banter and levity and your date will appreciate it and respond. You’re meeting someone new—enjoy yourself!
6. Make Eye Contact: See #9 in the men’s first date tips section below; replace “her” with “him” and “she’ll” with “he’ll.”
7. Smile: It’s not surprising that in our It’s Just Lunch survey, well over half of singles polled said a simple smile is the most attractive physical feature a date can flash. Use it.
8. Pay Him a Compliment: While he’s trying to make you feel comfortable and at ease, try and return the favor too. It’s all part of chemistry-creation.
9. Avoid Political Posturing: Intellectual conversation is stimulating as well as sexy, but leave strong opinions at the door. You’re on a date; not at a debate.
10. Show a Different Side: If you show a softer side, it makes it easier for your date to find common ground with you. Relax and be open toward him. You’ll develop a better connectionr that way.

20 Years of First Dates – Part 1: First Impressions

In honor of 20 years of setting up first dates between singles around the world, It’s Just Lunch recently produced a survey based on our experiences—trust us, we’ve had a lot! From first impressions, to chemistry, to timing, we’ll share our findings with you over the next few months and give you the inside scoop on tips that are timeless, tips that are played-out, and modern tips that may add a fresh edge to your love life. Enjoy!

Did you know that you have approximately 20 minutes to make a good impression – or avoid a bad one – on a first date? The reason is it takes about that much time for singles to decide whether or not to see someone again. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to pull out all the stops in the first 20 minutes in order to impress someone; however, it does mean that there are two little things you can do to give yourself an advantage and keep a date intrigued.

Ask Questions, Remember the Golden Rule

So what is a first date all about again? It’s a chance to get to know someone. And you certainly can’t get to know someone without asking questions. Therefore, don’t spend the whole date talking about you. It’s so easy these days to get bogged down in what’s going on in our own lives, that we don’t take time to sincerely ask what’s going on with other people’s lives. The key is, be self-aware; if you know you enjoy talking a lot, take a chance to shift the conversation. If you know you’re shy, then this is your chance to speak up. Confidence is key.

Also, there is nothing more unattractive than being rude or dismissive of those serving you coffee, lunch or dinner, driving you in a cab, and so on. Remember the Golden Rule when you’re out with a new companion; trust us, your date will notice and react positively.

Avoid Deal Breakers, Avoid Deals

According to another set of first impression criteria, It’s Just Lunch respondents came back at us with a few deal breakers that could derail the potential for a second date. Among them; answering a phone call or text, drinking too much, being late, and not having any interests in common. Unless it’s an absolute emergency, put the phone away during a date— you can’t get to know someone if your distracted by calls and texts. Keep the alcohol use to a minimum and don’t show up late (and whatever you do, do not show up late and drunk.) However the biggest deal breaker is, not surprisingly, a lack of common interests. Sometimes, you might find you don’t have anything in common with your date, and that’s ok. Relax, and don’t push it.

Also, a new trend in dating is deciding on whether or not to bring an online coupon, such as a Groupon or Living Social deal to a first date. Our advice? Ditch it. Only 20% of our respondents said it’s a smart idea. We agree with the majority that it looks both tacky and cheap.

So, Would You Like to Have Dinner Again…

You managed to avoid first impression pitfalls, had great conversation, and had a pretty good first date; so what next? Arranging date number two has often been the source of mystery and speculation, among both men and women, for a long time. On one hand you don’t want to seem to aloof, but on the other you don’t want to look desperate. We’ll cover the ins-and-outs of what makes a first date great later in our series, but the bottom line is: if you think a date went well, then simply call and ask for a second! The vast majority of our respondents – 65% of them – said picking up the phone and asking is the best way to secure a second date. Also, the “wait two days rule” is very 1990s. Why not the next day? Now is as good a time as any.

First Date Conversation: Top 5 Dos and Don'ts

Bad dates happen. And more often than not, they're caused by someone saying something they shouldn't have. Even a perfectly nice person can make a mistake and say something completely inappropriate that ruins a date.

It's really very common, in fact.  Especially if you haven't dated in a while.

With this in mind, we've developed the following list to help guide you.

1)     

Don't talk about past relationships. Your date doesn't want to hear about your ex (and the problems with your previous relationships).

Do pay attention to your date - his/her interests and hobbies. Stay in the present.

2)    

Don't allow your discussion to turn into an argument.  Stay away from controversial or potentially heated topics, like religion or politics.

Do be respectful of differences.  If your date mentions a belief that you disagree with, find a way to discuss this openly without criticizing. Or, if you can't do that, change the topic.

3)    

Don't over-compliment.  Telling a person they're attractive once is flattering. Saying it 8 times in an hour is creepy.  Furthermore, don't compliment your date in a way that makes her/him feel self-conscious.  "You have lovely eyes," or "that color looks nice on you," are both respectful.  "I can't take my eyes off your amazing body," is less so.

Do say something positive or kind to your date.  An honest and simple complement will put them more at ease.

4)    

Don't put yourself down. A little self-deprecating humor is fine, but whining about your failures at work and your inability to stay on your diet are not OK.

Do have a sense of humor about yourself. You're not perfect, and you don't have to pretend that you are.

5)    

Don't brag about yourself. Confidence is sexy.  But a person (man or woman) talking endlessly about their achievements comes off as arrogant, not confident.

Do project confidence. Give yourself a pep talk before the date and feel comfortable mentioning something (one thing) about yourself that you're proud of.