“On the Date” Tips

Dating Chivalry for Singles

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Notice how we said "singles" because chivalry isn't just for men, it's for women too. We may be a tad late with this post considering National Courtesy Month is drawing to a close, but that doesn't mean common courtesy should only be exercised during the month of September. Courtesy should be extended every month of the year and with every date you encounter. It's actually kind of sad that we have to dedicate a whole month to an act every single should already be doing as professionals. Since the whole concept of chivalry is rather sexist, placing the sole responsibility of chivalry on the man, It's Just Lunch wanted to take a moment to share a few tips on how both men and women can be more chivalrous to one another, especially in light of technology changing the way we date.

Chivalry for Men

1. Pick up the phone and call her. Gone are the days when the original knights in shining armor would request an opportunity to court a woman by way of a messenger. A woman wants a man who will make an effort and go the extra mile. Today, that extra mile is the difference between a date invite via text and a date invite via phone call.

2. Meet her more than half way. It's the gentlemanly thing to do to meet a woman some place where she feels safe and comfortable, especially when meeting for the first time or do. If you want to build good rapport and chemistry with a woman, to key is making her feel comfortable being with you. The best way to make a woman feel comfortable around you is to hang out in a setting that is most familair to her. 

3. Hold the door open for her. It may be cliche, but roughly 90% of women surveyed by AskMen.com agreed that the most chivalrous act a man can do is holding the door open for a woman. It's a sign of respect that ultimately reflects on you, especially when she notices that you don't just do it for her, you do it for others as well. A truly chivalrous man extends that chivalry to everyone he crosses paths with.

Chivalry for Women

1. Steer clear of mind games. When a man calls you, don't wait three rings to answer the phone or let it ring to voice mail first before waiting an hour to call back. If you're free, you're free. If you're not, you're not. Life is too short to be playing senseless games with the opposite sex. If you're among those always complaining about how men always text and never call, there's a pretty good chance it's because you never answer your phone or return his phone calls. Sure, men enjoy a little bit of a chase, but playing minds games like being unavailable when you're really available is taking it too far. Show him a little bit more respect by appreciating his valiant efforts to woo you.  

2. Give him permission to lead. Yes, women absolutely hate it when a man asks a woman out on a date and it turns into a game of 20 questions trying to figure out logistics. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? What time should we meet? In age of feminism, men are treading on thin ice to make sure they don't disrespect your independence and self-sufficiency. Throw him a bone and give him permission to take the reigns if that is what you want him to do, especially if you're tired of holding on the reigns of your daily life. If you want him to plan the date so you don't have to, ask him to surprise you or give him your preferences so he can take charge. If you don't care where you go, as long as he is willing to pick you up, say that. Sometimes, all a man needs is a green light to get him going. 

3. Offer to pay your way. While this is a topic that is always up for debate, the general consensus is that men should at least pay for the first date. Most professional men usually do insist on picking up the tab, but the way a woman dances around the check can be very revealing. If you excuse yourself to the bathroom as the check is being dropped, it may reflect on your poorly and illustrates a sense of entitlement even. However, if you offer to split the tab before excusing yourself to the bathroom, then it shows that you are a considerate person. There is another consensus that who ever does the asking does the paying. Even if that applies, the same principles still applies regarding how a person dances around the check.

Chivalry isn't just for men. It's for women too. At the end of the day, chilvary is centered around mutual respect for a person's time, energy and resources. 


Power Suit(ors)


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You know you LOVE your job. You practically live there. Your toothbrush is in your desk, you celebrate birthdays, major holidays, minor holidays, holidays you've never heard of, and major milestones there. You haven't had a phone at home in years because you pick up your voicemail at work more. Yep. You do live there. And now that you're out there and dating, you're wondering if someone else is going to understand that you have two residences, and that your career is the love of your life.

A while back, we at It's Just Lunch® conducted a survey about careers and talking about your professional life on dates, especially first dates. Almost 10% of those we asked, said that their career is a very VERY important part of their life and it was inevitable to talk about on a first date. Almost 52% of you said that your career was important, but you don't let it dominate the conversation on a first date....UNLESS your date is career oriented like you. 

So to all you potential power couples out there, feel free to invite your job on your date. If you're interested in dating someone that's focused like you are, the right person for you is going to appreciate your passion and your drive, and won't ask you why your job is the third wheel in the relationship all the time. With both of you striving hard for success in your careers and supporting the other's endeavors, what can't you accomplish?! 

 


Warming Things Up on the Second Date

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Ok. We’ve all been there. Fighting off the first date jitters can be quite a job.

A call to the best friend for support, a bottle opener and designated driver, or even a quick chat with your therapist (the first available neighbor at the mailbox).

 BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SECOND DATE?

Those first date jitters grew into real anticipation in the past few days and now, expectations of another great time are running high. 

And here comes the mental hamster wheel...

 “What if tonight isn’t as good as last time!!???” 

“Were they really that attractive or was it just really excellent lighting??!!”

“What if I LOVE tonight and they decide they don’t want to date anymore??!”

Ok. First off. Breathe. Second. You have a date to get ready for, so here’s a little insight. 

The first date ice is broken, and to keep things going,well you need to warm things up...literally! Research has been done that proves that physical warmth impacts perception of a person’s physiological warmth. What? No really. Dr. Amy Muise*, a social psychologist, revealed a study that showed offering a hot cup of coffee as opposed to an iced-coffee to someone, positively influenced the opinion of the receiver of the beverage...the person who was offered something warm (soup, a beverage, whatever) rated the person who offered the warmth as more "friendly" and "trustworthy" as opposed to the participants who were offered something cold. All good opinions, especially for a second date. So, the lesson? When it’s time to order...BRING ON THE HEAT! Maybe opt for teriyaki instead of sushi, coffee instead of iced tea, and you’ll have a better chance of securing that third date!

 

*http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2011/8/9/how-to-warm-things-up-on-your-next-date.html

 


Dating Like a Super Hero

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Well, it’s that time of year again. Comicon is taking over San Diego (some say the world) and the parade of capes, spears, masks, and magic wands strolling around is endless. For those of you not in Southern California or residing in the realm of geekdom, picture your favorite caped crusader behind you at the grocery store, or a Storm Trooper driving a Subaru next to you in traffic. After a couple of double takes, (or a couple years of this phenomenon) you start to not get so freaked out, and just take it for what it is. Folks living in the adventure and excitement of the unconventional. At least for a couple of days...

Hey, different can be good, right? Not doing the same thing all the time, can open you up to new experiences, new people, and new foods. But can this same sense of adventure work with dating, even a first date? 

To get to the bottom of this question we at It’s Just Lunch® surveyed a group of single men and women.

And the results? 

Our group overwhelmingly voted for the unconventional, versus traditional first date by, 61.8% to 38.2% . And within that, women were up for an adventure on the first date more than men, with 65.3% to 56.3% saying that forgoing dinner and a movie for say, karaoke, was a good thing and not necessarily dooming the date for failure.

 So, what does this mean? Is it OK to meet your date dressed as Spiderman and surprise them with a rock climbing adventure for your first date?

OK. Maybe during Comicon-in fact, it’s probably required. But for the rest of us mortals, who want a little adventure without risking a restraining order, we can get that same excitement from going against the grain just a bit. Maybe it’s some line dancing and beers, a championship of Monopoly, or even sky diving. Be yourself and be comfortable of course, but you don’t have to play it so safe all the time (except with any activity with major vertical drops). Hey Clark Kent eventually shed the monotony of the day job, and things worked out pretty well for him and Lois.