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August 2010

Imagine Each First Date As a Clean Slate

There's one thing all daters (over the legal drinking age) can probably assume about their dates - they've been on dates before, with other people.  

We all have.  And most us have had prior relationships.  

Remember, and this is very important (note the bold and italics), those prior relationships are in the past. Your date's prior relationships and YOUR prior relationships are all in the past.  

It can be incredibly helpful to imagine each first date as a clean slate.  Sure, you have ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. In some cases maybe even ex-wives/husbands.  But those relationships are over.  And it's rarely helpful to mention them on a first date. It can, in fact, be quite harmful.  

Instead, focus on the present and the future. Talk about the positive things that are happening in your life.  The things that make you happy.  Share your joy.  And, more importantly, dream aloud about what you'd like to see happen in the future. 

Save discussions of the past for if and when you get to know your date better.  Until then, imagine that you have a clean slate: no exes, no break-ups, no past relationships weighing you down.  

First Date Magic

Many people would argue that the hardest part of dating is the first date.  First dates can be stressful and awkward, but they don't have to be.

Follow this 3-step magic formula to better first dates each and every time:

1. First, be aware of the fact that it's completely normal for people to be nervous before a first date.  So if you're nervous, that's OK.  Nervous is the norm.  Your date is probably nervous, too.  Just take a deep breath and smile.

2. Next, focus on having on fun.  Remember, this is only a date.  It's not the Spanish Inquisition.  And it's most definitely not a job interview. Focus on enjoying yourself. If you have fun, your date is likely to have fun, too.

3.  Find a way to genuinely compliment your date within the first 15 minutes of meeting.  Be sincere and be specific.  For example, if you're talking about a current event you can say, "That's an interesting way of looking at .....,  I never thought of it that way."  Or you can compliment a specific feature of your date's appearance/clothing: "That's such a pretty necklace" or "You look lovely in that dress" or "I really like the cologne you're wearing". There's no need to go overboard.  Just a simple compliment.  

Complimenting your date early in the evening will give them a little ego boost. In turn, they'll feel a bit more confident and maybe even more relaxed.