By Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of the new book, “Why He Disappeared”.
You ever get nervous before a date?
Your mouth is dry, your hands are sweaty, your heart’s beating a million times a minute.
You’re thinking about what you’re going to say, obsessing about how you look, and hoping that you make a first impression that leads to a second date.
If this is part of your first date ritual, rest assured, you behavior is normal.
But it doesn’t have to be.
First date nerves reflect nothing more than a largely irrational fear of judgment – as if the new man in front of you is there to pick you apart like a figure skating judge.
You’ll be pleasantly surprised to know that this is NOT when men do on dates.
Men, as you’ve heard, are pretty simple. As such, we want to see two basic things on a date: Are you cute? Are you cool? If so, everything else is just a bonus.
I trust that you’re cute. I trust that you’re cool.
And if you’re cute and you’re cool, there’s literally NOTHING to worry about.
You’re GOING to get a second date.
So instead of putting a tremendous sense of pressure on how you “perform” on your first date, I want you to think about the person with whom you’re the most comfortable. Is it your co-workers? Your best friend from college? Your brother?
Now picture how you act with that person: THAT’s the best version of you. Comfortable, confident, silly, and light. When you’re with your best friend, you never worry about being judged, you never worry about making a dumb joke – you just act like yourself.
In a nutshell, that’s the woman you’re supposed to be on a first date.
But if you work yourself into a state of paralysis before your date – afraid of making a mistake or being judged - how can you ever be that playful, easygoing, confident woman you are around your friends? That’s right. You can’t.
From now on, I want you to take the pressure off of yourself. Not because it’s impossible for things to go wrong, but because the more you worry about things going wrong, the less confident you appear on a date. And all men dig confident women.
Ultimately, the secret to being a great first date is simple: stop worrying about whether the other person’s going to like you. Assume that he will. Imagine that YOU’RE the boss and he’s the intern, applying for a job with you. All you have to do is figure out if you want to go out with HIM again, not worry about whether he wants to see you.
Confidence breeds success. Success breeds confidence.
Stop worrying about your dates and watch your success skyrocket.
Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”. www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html