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April 2011

Looks, Money & Sex: The Truth Behind Common Dating Fears Part 2

Last month we took a look at the top 5 male dating insecurities.  Now, let’s take a look from the female perspective.  Here’s the top five female dating worries and how to overcome.


1)      Appearance

Girls, when you talk yourself out of being excited about a date because you have the insane thought that all men want a woman who looks like a princess and acts like a prostitute, just know that this is completely untrue, and it’s keeping you from finding true love.  Most guys aren’t looking for a fake, plastic Barbie; they’re searching for a fun life partner who will spoon with him and kiss his tears.  Oh, and if he does want Barbie, then he’s not the right one for you, anyway!

Guys, real men want real women, right?  Please understand that the superficial society that we live in is really doing a number on women’s body images!  Lip injections, fake breasts, and hair extensions are not natural and should not be the norm.  Make sure you’re not contributing to your date’s unrealistic expectations. 


2)      Food

Ladies, it’s just lunch, but we know that there’s no such thing as just lunch, dinner, or even a snack, because what you eat and when you eat it is a constant source of stress and anxiety for most of us.  But you have to try to put your issues with food aside and pay attention to your date, instead.  If you really start dating this guy, you two will be eating many, many meals together, so don’t pretend to be one of those girls who can run all day on a few iceberg leaves.  Remember that guys like women with hearty appetites (in and out of the bedroom), so don’t be afraid to eat real food and let him know how much you enjoy it!

Gentlemen, you know that girls can be a bit nutty when it comes to food, so please don’t add fuel to the fire by talking about fat content or calories while on a date.  She might just take it personally if you ask three times if she wants a Diet Coke instead of regular.  Plus, dessert is sexy and good for the soul.  We also suggest always ordering a dessert to share and encouraging her to eat more than half of it. 


3)    Age

Ladies, we know that some of you may be hearing your biological clock ticking louder than Marisa Tomei could ever stomp her foot, and even worse – you’re worried that your date can hear it, too!  There is only one thing you can do about this while you’re actually on the date.  Relax.  Stop doing the math about how old you’ll be at your firstborn’s wedding even if you get pregnant tomorrow or worrying if this guy would rather be with someone half his age, and start paying attention to whether or not you even like him.

Guys, you already know not to ask your date’s age right off the bat, but don’t ask for it in sneaky ways, either, like by inquiring about when she graduated from college or what her prom song was.  Not every woman over (or nearing) thirty is in a rush to have kids, so don’t let her age scare you!  It’s a cliché because it’s true – age is nothing more than a number.  Focus on getting her number, instead.


4) Sex

Girls, we know that everything about sex might make you insecure on a date – whether or not he’ll want you, whether or not you’ll want him, whether you’re experienced enough or too experienced…it just goes on and on!  The truth is simple:  You have what he wants.  Trust in this and let it be your guide through every date, whether it ends in bed or with a chaste kiss on the cheek.

Guys, guess what?  Women are just as insecure in the bedroom as you are.  Who knew you had so much in common?  Without acting skeevy, let her know that she does indeed have what you want.  Compliment her hair, her dress, or her eyes.  Let her know that she’s beautiful and sexy, and insecurity-free sex (which is really the only good kind) will be in both of your futures.


5)  Job

Even if you have a fabulous job, you may be concerned that your date will judge you based on what you do for a living.  Unlike with men, many women are actually worried that their high-powered careers may intimidate men or be scared that working eighty hours a week sends a message to men that marriage and family are not their priorities.  Well, ladies, don’t for one second play small or minimize your hard earned success in order to win over a man.  The right man will be impressed and turned on by a powerful, successful, passionate woman like you. 

We hope you guys know not to belittle your date’s career or even ask yourself silly questions like, “She has a great job and makes plenty of money – what does she need me for?”  The women you are dating are looking for a partner to share their lives with, not a meal ticket – and you should be very glad of that.  Trust that you have plenty of other important things to offer her (companionship, passion, love, etc.) and your dating life will be much more balanced and happy.



Looks, Money & Sex: The Truth Behind Common Dating Fears

Author-photo2-cropped Dating can be fun, adventurous, and exciting, but it can also be a little bit scary.  If you’re truly interested in finding that special someone, you must also open yourself up to rejection, heartache, and pain.  It’s no wonder that both men and women at times face debilitating insecurities when it comes to dating.  Admit it:  There have been times on a date when instead of listening to what the other person had to say or looking out for possible chemistry, you couldn’t get out of your head your worst fears and least favorite qualities about yourself.  They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but when it comes to insecurities and dating, guess what?  We are all the same!  No matter what we have going on below the belt, we all have similar expectations, hopes, and anxieties going into a date.  Men and women are equally nervous about dating and actually share very similar insecurities – they just manifest themselves in slightly different ways.  

The beautiful thing is that understanding your date’s insecurities will help ease your own, so you can both move on and enjoy your lunch without irrational thoughts and fears interrupting what could be fun, intimate, life changing moments.  Guys and gals, here is the truth behind your own insecurities and your date’s.  Pay attention to where they overlap and especially what you can do to boost both of your confidence levels so you can move on to the fun part of dating – finding love. 

Top Five Male Insecurities On a Date:

1)  Hairline

Guys, when you’re on a date explaining what you do for a living and where you grew up, you might notice that her eyes are studying your face and looking you up and down, but we promise she is not judging your hairline, worried about male pattern baldness, or wondering if you’ve ever tried Propecia.  She’s simply trying to determine if it’s your eyes that she will forever see when she wakes up in the morning.

Now ladies, if your date makes a self-deprecating comment about his hairline, don’t just awkwardly change the subject to your dog’s Christmas present.  If you look him in the eye instead and say, “I think bald men are totally sexy,” we promise that your date will improve immediately.

2)  Body

We know you guys are secretly just as insecure about your weight and body type as most women, if not more so!  Whether it’s the extra pounds you’ve gained since college, the size of what’s underneath those boxer briefs, or how your date towers over you in her four-inch heels, body image concerns can be all-encompassing on a date, but remember that women are far less visual than men, and get more hot and bothered by things like chivalry, intelligence, and a sense of humor. Tell her a good story or make her laugh and you’ll turn her on more than Ryan Reynolds’s abs ever could.

Ladies, remember to compliment your date!  You want him to tell you that you look beautiful and you should do the same for him.  Tell him that he has gorgeous eyes or that you like his suit, and be genuine about it.  Even if you're not insanely attracted to him, we know you can find at least one positive trait to compliment.  By putting kind, loving energy like this out, you'll get it back (even if it's not from this guy).

3)  Sex

Guys, you must know that chances are you’re not going to end up getting down and dirty on your first date, but you probably still have sex on the brain!  You’re probably already worrying about how to get from that Its Just Lunch date to the bedroom without completely embarrassing yourself, but we’re here to tell you that the sooner you stop worrying about that and start paying attention to your date, the faster you’ll end up in the bedroom with her.
As for you ladies, if you think there’s chemistry between you and this guy and you’re thinking naughty thoughts, too, let him know it so that he doesn’t waste any more time worrying about being shot down.  Squeeze his hand, touch his arm, or wink at him, and hopefully he’ll take the hint.  Alternatively, if you’re definitely not interested in ever having sex with him, don't lead him on with suggestive conversation!  Let him know in a subtle, kind way that you’re just not feeling it.

4)  Job

We know that some of you guys are concerned that if you’re not a Fortune 500 CEO, a fancy pants heart surgeon, or literally a rock star, your job won’t be impressive to a woman.  Well, that’s simply not true, guys.  Most women just want a guy who is passionate about life and has chosen something worthwhile or interesting to do with his time.  Above anything, act positive about your job rather than whiney and negative about it and your date will automatically be more interested in you.

Ladies, if you get the idea that your date doesn’t want to talk about work, don’t push the issue.  You’re not there to read his resume; you’re there to see if you two are compatible or have possible chemistry.  Leave work at work and focus on having fun on the date.

5)  Money

Guys, despite what you may be worried about, not every woman is obsessed with money.  Don’t judge all women just because you’ve watched a few too many episodes of The Millionaire Matchmaker.  The majority of women want a man who is compassionate, understanding, stable, honest, and who will make her feel loved and adored.  These are all things that money can’t buy.

Ladies, if you aren’t really looking for love and are just looking for someone to pay your bills, we think you’re selling yourself short… not to mention the guys you’re dating.

Stay tuned for our upcoming blog post Top 5 Female Insecurities On a Date!

It’s Just Lunch contributing writers Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent are the authors of “How to Love Like a Hot Chick” and “Live Like a Hot Chick”.  They have been featured on The Tyra Banks Show, Extra!, and the Today Show.  Their work can be seen on the Huffington Post, Pop Sugar, Galtime, and in the pages of Maxim, Complete Woman, and numerous other publications. 

Can you small talk?

Nobody likes someone who is boring.  Nobody likes someone who can’t contribute to a conversation.  Have you ever just stood there in front of a woman and you just didn’t know what to say?  You’re standing there, and all of a sudden you draw a blank.  So instead of saying something stupid – you’ve learned that saying something stupid and changing the subject just kills the conversation – you sit there in utter silence.

The question in this moment: are you standing there in silence, or are you actually learning?

There are times in your life when you may not know what to say.  At these points, it’s better to shut up, listen, and learn.  The fact is that by listening and learning you’re going to be able to understand what is going on in that situation so you may not always be able to contribute to the conversation. Perhaps someone is having a political debate and you don’t know much about politics. In this case, it’s better to keep your mouth shut than say something stupid.  It’s always better to be quiet than to say something dumb.  What this lesson should teach you is that you need to become more knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics.  You need to have a lot of facts out there.  Something I recommend to a lot of guys is to get subscriptions to certain magazines: Details, Esquire, GQ, and People magazine.  Details, Esquire, and GQ are going to give you an overview of a lot of different things – from fashion and trends to deeper stories and what’s going on abroad – they’ve got some really great articles in those magazines.  Now People magazine is another good one because if you’re standing there in line at the supermarket and a woman picks up People magazine or US Weekly, you can look at her, smile, and say something like, “is Britney Spears going to have that alien baby again?” You know things about stuff like that.

All of a sudden you’ll catch her attention.   Learning a lot about a lot of different things is going to give you the conversation starters that you need in every situation.  A lot of times in life when you are at a loss for words, it is because you are not educated enough in the events that are going on around you.  This is another reason that I tell guys all the time to go out and meet women in places that you’re comfortable in – if you do that, you’ll be able to have conversation starters. You’ll have things to talk about and if you have things to talk about… and who knows where it might lead!


It’s Just Lunch contributing writer David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship writer/ coach.   His funny yet direct approach to dating has revolutionized how people meet and interact with the opposite sex.  His advice columns can be found on Huffington Post and Ask Men. In addition, he has been featured on MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and E! Entertainment Television -- as well as on more than 2,000 radio shows.