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November 2011

20 Years of First Dates – Part 2: Wordplay and Flirting

Flirting and wordplay it's just lunchIn honor of 20 years of setting up first dates between singles around the country, It’s Just Lunch recently produced a survey based on our experiences—trust us, we’ve had a lot. We’ll share our findings with you and give you the inside scoop on tips that are timeless, tips that are played-out, and modern tips that may add a fresh edge to your love life. Enjoy!

Now that you’ve made a good first impression as we discussed in Part 1 of our series, it’s time to keep that momentum going. Whether you’re just engaging in a simple dinner, heading to an art gallery, going to a concert, or simply taking a stroll on a beautiful day, the point of a first date is to get to know someone and you can’t do that without conversation. With conversation, comes the opportunity for a bit of flirtation too, so we’ll be covering tips on do’s and don’ts. While you might think some these are straightforward, you’d be surprised how many stumble when it comes to chatting with a partner. Don’t worry; we’re here to help.


 Good Conversation: Worth 1000 Words

There’s an old Buddhist saying about conversations called “Right Speech” that basically means the following: speak warmly, friendly, and gently and you can make friends and avoid war. For our purposes, we’ll extend it into use on first dates in order to impress a partner. According to an It’s Just Lunch survey, over a third of singles mentioned easy conversation as an important component of compatibility. So what does this mean? You can dress to the nines, exude physical attractiveness, and even share a similar outlook on life; but if you can’t express yourself beyond that, then you’ll run into problems.

If you struggle with conversation on the first date or simply aren’t sure what to say, there are several tips we can help you with in order to get you going. First: know your current events. You don’t need to dive into the details of politics or the intricacies of a celebrity’s private life, but having a cursory knowledge of what’s going on will help drive conversation. Remember, ignorance isn’t necessarily bliss. Second: ask open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that may just have a yes or no answer. That said, third: remember something your date said and come back to it later on in the conversation if possible. Everyone loves a good listener; it means you’re interested in what they have to say. Fourth: throw a few jokes into the conversation if appropriate. But please, make sure they are clean and inoffensive. Finally, five: be positive. This is probably the most important element to a first date conversation. While self-deprecation can be cute, it’s rarely a turn-on or a chemistry builder. The majority of people react well to positive thinking, so roll with it.  


Trending Topics and Turn-Offs to Avoid

So, how about that...(insert topic of discussion here)? So, you know how to go about talking on a first date. The next question is, what to say? There are lots of options, but generally speaking the vast majority of singles polled in our survey said “hobbies and interests” are among the easiest conversation topics to tackle. After that came travel, followed by family, movies, and food.

It’s easy to come up with ideas of what to talk about; however, what people often have problems doing is avoiding topics that shouldn’t be brought up in the first place. You’re best served by not bringing up any past conquests. In fact, the majority of respondents cited conversation along those lines as a major turn-off. You may also want to avoid talking about money, health problems, politics, and the future.

Now, some may say it’s disingenuous not to bring up discussion topics like those on the first date. What if politics, religion, money, physical ailments, or even an ex plays a large role in your life? The different between good conversation topics and bad conversation topics is simply, common ground. First dates are opportunities to meet people halfway and see what they are all about. Often times, the topics under the “avoid” column are there because they might alienate a date or are deeply personal. Since the goal of a first date is to get to know someone and make them feel comfortable, it’s best to avoid topics that will lead toward the opposite.


Get Your Flirt On

Now that you’re engaged in a brilliant conversation with your date, it’s time to inject a little flirtation into the mix. Why? Because while good conversation will help strength a bond between two people, flirtation can help enhance chemistry; besides, you don’t want to get stuck into the “friend zone”, especially on a first date.

So what signals can you give off that mean you’re interested? Simple. Pay undivided attention to your date. Almost 50% of It’s Just Lunch survey respondents mentioned this as being a surefire sign the date went well. This means big things like actively listening and engaging in the conversation and little things such as turning the cell phone off, or not being distracted by what’s going on around you. Remember, a little attention can go a long way. So ride that wave it and make your partner feel special. If the date is going well, they’ll return the favor.