Relationship Insider

Preparing Your Kids When You Reenter the Dating Scene

There are many things that may have changed since you last dated, and one of those things that might be different is that you now have children. Whether putting yourself out there again excites or terrifies you, you’re probably wondering how to handle the situation with your kids.

Depending on the age of your children and your custody situation, there’s no one-size-fits-all way navigate things, but here are some tips from the matchmakers at Single parentto keep in mind as you reenter the dating waters.

Talk with them about it first

If your kids are old enough to have a conversation with you, consider sitting them down to explain that you’re going to start dating again. Tell them about your need to develop friendships with new people, but assure them that you’re not looking for someone to replace their other parent.

Most importantly, listen to what they say. Try to really hear their concerns or hesitations and do your best to address them.  

Take things slow

You might get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but remember that your children might not be able to move at the same pace as you emotionally. Even if they haven’t met the person you’re dating yet, be careful about how much you share with your children and what you share. No matter how agreeable they are, or how much you view your child as a friend, most children will be easily spooked by something new coming into their life so fast.

Take introductions seriously

You don’t need to introduce your children to everyone you date. Consider what might happen if your children do develop an attachment to this new person and then you break up and they suddenly have to adapt to even more change in their lives.

Wait until you’re sure you’re serious about someone and that you see the potential for moving in together or marriage happening down the road. Talk to your children in advance about how the first meeting will go and set some expectations.

And once again, listen to your children. How are they feeling? Nervous? Angry? Even if there’s nothing much you can do to assuage their fears, being willing to take the time to truly listen and empathize with your children can go a long way.

Don’t get defensive

If the worst happens and your children dislike your new partner, don’t leap immediately into a defensive mode. Ask them questions about what specifically they don’t like. Try to get down to the root of the problem. Are they nervous about this person moving in? Were they hopeful you were going to reconnect with your ex?

Lead with listening. Your children want to know they’re most important. They want to know that your relationship with them will never change.

Make your children feel heard and have reasonable expectations about the time it might take for them to feel comfortable with the situation. Don’t let them stop you from pursuing a new relationship and someone who makes you feel hopeful and happy again, but be patient and remember your children might need to be on a different timetable from you.

5 Ways to Build Better Relationships At Work

There are numerous ways that professional singles can have closer bonds and healthier relationships with those that they work with professionally, on a daily basis.

While it may seem difficult at times, it is highly important that professional singles find ways to bond with those in the workplace. It is possible and it is vital for singles to have a healthy relationship with their fellow colleagues, business associates, staff, and even their clients. There are many ways that a single professional can begin to build closer bonds with those in the workplace.

It is so important for those who work together to get along well. Communication among the staff plays a big role in having a company that is successful. In order to have a great relationship with those around, professional singles have to communicate in a way that is genuine and honest. They have two options when they show up to work; they can either see their hours in the workplace as an opportunity to just simply show up or they can use it to build closer bonds and new social relationships.

Being observant is another great way to build bonds in the workplace. If one is aware of their surroundings and the people they are surrounded by, they will more likely build close relationships with their coworkers and staff. Get an idea of the culture of the company you work for and let that help you make a decision of how to approach co-workers to get to know one another. One could simply invite someone to coffee to get to know each other, or maybe even have dinner after work.

A key factor of getting to know other coworkers is to be a person who is likeable. If one is honest, friendly, and open to social relationships, that person will likely build close bonds and healthy relationships in the workplace. An important thing to remember is to not judge one before getting to know them properly.

A great way to build relationships in the workplace is to find common ground with someone. It can be awkward at first trying to get to know someone. A great way to start building a bond that will last is to find an interest that is shared with a coworker or someone on staff. Maybe it is a TV show or both have children who play sports. Whatever it may be, find common ground and it will help the relationship grow quickly.

One last way one can strive to build healthy and thriving relationships with their coworkers is to not put limits on relationships. Just because someone ranks higher or lower in the workplace does not mean a relationship cannot be built. In fact, these types of relationships can be beneficial in numerous ways, including mentoring. Build bonds with those in the workplace without limits or restrictions.

4th of July: Celebrating Interdependence in Relationships

In honor of 4th of July, It's Just Lunch wanted to take a moment to recognize the role independence plays in relationships. While independence is certainly an attractive character trait sought after by many professional singles looking for love and romance, it's important to realize that too much or too little of it can be detrimental to your chances of finding the kind of relationship every working professional seeks.

Singles who exhibit too much independence tend to radiate an energy that is off putting to potential suitors, especially when they make comments about not needing a relationship to be happy. Though it is true that no single should define their happiness by their relationship status, it is completely okay to want, not need, a relationship for the right reasons--to add more value to your life and to maximize your existing happiness with who you are and where you're heading in life.

On the flip side, singles with too little independence tend to exhibit a needy vibe, which can be just as off putting as the I-don't-need-anyone-but-me vibe. Of course, it is nice to feel needed in a relationship, but it does more harm than good when you depend on your relationship far too much to validate your self or sense of worth.

This 4th of July, we want you to treasure the kind of independence-in yourself and the kind of partner you want to meet-that holds the key to a happy, healthy and long-lasting relationship. What we are talking about is mutual independence, otherwise known as interdependence. When two equally independent individuals come together and form an alliance, they create a true partnership that allows them to be independent individuals within their partnership without having to compromise their values or identities.

Professional singles are independent by nature, so the challenge for them is finding someone on their same level. They're smart enough to know that a healthy, interdependent relationship is worth the wait.

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